


My Copper Is Your Gold, Right?

by SpeedingCheetah



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Gore, Hunter Exam (Hunter X Hunter), Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, I’ll add a trigger in the chapter if it’s not in the tags, Multi, Nen (Hunter X Hunter), Poor Killua (Hunter X Hunter), Psychological Trauma, Violence, i like to write angst but struggle to do so ig, my Oc can’t tell the difference between normal and trauma, random tags are fun to make, yeet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27906568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpeedingCheetah/pseuds/SpeedingCheetah
Summary: Neoã liked the clouds. Neoã liked the world, the way the wind sounded in their ears, the way it echoed so feverishly without a purpose. They liked serving humans, liked being a loyal follower to every and any extent.And yet; Neoã hated freedom. They hated the choice, the act of free-will.  They hated it to the point it was their punishment, which was the worst thing of all.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck/Original Character(s), Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags. I might’ve missed a trigger, so make sure you’re comfortable with reading the story ahead of time! Be safe!
> 
> \- My profile picture as of now is Neoã! The image is really blurry, but I’m still trying to figure out how to add images in the story. It’s really annoying. (Inaudible Sigh)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neoã uses “They/Them” pronouns in this chapter.
> 
> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence (Gore + Blood), Mentions of Death / Murder, Emotional Damage, Unintentional Self-Harm, Self-Destruction.._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.

It was quiet on the ship, and no one made a sound. Well, no one who was alive and had the actual ability to _speak_ made a sound. 

There wasn’t much else to say, the quiet creaking of the wood being the only thing that a creature could hear. Besides their breathing, it was the muffled creaks and movement up above, on the other side of the wood boards that would be called the ‘deck’. 

There were aches in every direction, shackles and wood clamps depending on the creature who was tied up and restrained. Some had water, others were dying slowly at the lack of proper care. Hell, some were already _dead._

A rather short humanoid looking creature pressed themself up against the cool metal of their cage, breath unknown and eyes dull. There was an aching in their body, and they couldn’t get their injuries to stop bleeding liquid gold.

It dripped quietly onto the metal flooring of their cage, the color bright and shiny despite their obvious lack of both mental well-being and physical efforts. Cradling their arm, all they did was bring it to their mouth to lick away at the injury. To do anything else would be futile, really. 

They drank up their own vitality, allowing the liquid to bathe their tongue and slip past their throat’s constricting muscles just so they could get rehydrated. The horns that were attached to their skull felt heavy, and yet the clanking of their tail when they forced it to move felt heavier. 

It was a bright gold-copper color, with bright orange hints near the tips when sunlight were to cascade upon it. Shiny and yet oh so dull, the lack of proper meals and water truly taking a toll on the creature.

The golden clasps around their neck dug into their skin, practically invincible and never moving. It would be futile to try and remove them from the flesh that concealed their blood and insides, a futile and useless thing. 

_“Are you kidding right now?”_ A voice asked in their mind, the echo painfully sarcastic. It really did hurt, hearing someone's voice but no longer seeing them before their body and in their vision. 

_“Shut up, Clarry. Your master is also dead.”_ Another responded in a hushed tone. _“Neoã’s master is the only one who’s alive. Your pains are pointless, okay?”_

 _“What does it matter, huh? She’s hosting us, and we cannot leave.”_ Again, there was a third voice, one like a snake slithering over grass. And yet.. It was oddly comforting.

 _“Neoã can’t speak. She’s still stunted.”_ A fragile tone replied, soft like sunlight trickling between tree branches and breaking through thick canopy to display against the deepest and darkest greenery on the forest floor. 

_“She is lucky that she wasn’t killed like the rest of us.”_ Clarry whispered, the voice emotionally distraught and lost at sea.. Quite similarly to how the creature in question felt as the ship rocked against the ocean’s waves. All they could see was the blood and the insides of innocent children being slaughtered for something not even they could’ve understood. 

It’s not like Neoã would ever understand it, either. The creature forced their tongue deeper into the large gash on their arm, consuming all of the blood with such a passion they’d be marked off as cannibalistic as well as insane. If a human were to do this, they’d be killed or praised..

No in between.

 _The Kurtas are dead._ They said silently. _We all are going to die, too._

The voices shut up, and they felt a tightening around their neck. The metal bands were always tight, glued into their skin by pure will and dedication to not become empty and soulless husks. But for the voices to be so loud, to talk so freely after their leader’s deaths..

It hurt a lot more than what Neoã had expected. 

They were all called ‘Copper-Wire Shifters’, creatures who could materialize any ore and practically bleed liquid metals and give those who ‘owned’ them any form of wealth for as long as both parties lived. They were strong and quick witted, but deathly loyal to the first master they were to ever have. 

Even if they were on the brink of death, they’d follow an order from their leader. That was how it worked, even if they ‘died’. Copper-Wires couldn’t kill other Copper-Wires, rather, if they were to be pinned up against one another.. They’d shatter like cracked jewelry and break apart like splintering glass. 

Their physical bodies would be destroyed.. But their consciousness and sanity- All their memories and abilities, strengths and weaknesses.. All of it was still present- Just instead of being able to voice those traits they were stick in a piece of metal.

Their bodies would become jewelry. 

That piece of attire? It was valuable and cursed with power like no other. People thought it was Nen-Induced, intertwined with a master player of nen’s own power. 

What a bunch of _shit._

When a Copper-Wire Shifter died, they would shatter and turn into heaps of broken metal and ore. The more valuable the ore, the more powerful they were. The more of that material they had remaining, the more probable it was that the creature was overwhelmingly talented.

In the center of all of those shards would be some form of a fancy necklace or bracelet- Gold chains or gem embedded silver. Even chrome colored rings with hulking emeralds or rubies, diamond studded earrings with everlasting yellow metal that shined brightly under moonlight could be an option that would form.

Neoã had four golden bands wrapped around their neck, welted into their skin and elegantly carved with kanji they couldn’t read. But that was fine; The consciousness of her siblings and past comrades were still alive. 

They could still hear all of them, and they could still hear Neoã themself. 

_I want to go home._ They choked.

 _“I know. I know. I am sorry that you have to incubate us.. You’ll die; You’ll die and die and we’ll all perish then. You must know that, right? You’re too young to stimulate all of this energy-”_ Clarry replied softly, delicately like her words would end up being the actual death of the younger Copper-Wire.

 _“Aelish had decided to let go.”_ The original voice, Silo spoke up. The third voice, Eikan choked. 

_He can’t. I took him._ They said softly, their lips parting as their fangs dug into their metallic tasting flesh. It was a sickening flavor, so sweet and yet so bitter it caused their mind to ripple is anguish. 

The boat cracked feverishly, and their head smashed into another metal bar. 

It hurt.

It hurt a lot, the creature decided. 

_“Fuck. You’ll die, Neoã. You can’t do that to the others, and I take most of your energy- Everyone knows this.”_ He hissed, and they could feel the metal press into their windpipe; Crushing their air and ability to breathe. 

Neoã ignored it, tears pricking the corners of their eyes as they bit into their flesh harshly to stifle the aching cry that wanted to escape past their lips due to the damage happening to her skill. The pain couldn’t overrun the grief and hate they had for themself, so this would have to do. 

_Master wouldn’t want our bodies to be sued like trophies.. Master wouldn’t like that at all; And I know it. You know it too, I can’t let you go._ Their voice internally cracked, displaying the pain and conflict they felt.

Eikan didn’t respond, seeming to bathe in her emotions like always. The Copper-Wire had been like this, too, when he was alive and breathing oxygen like the rest of the human race.

Too bad he died.

Silo recoiled in surprise, the feeling of metal scraping against their skin filling their head with unnerving thoughts about throwing themself against the walls of the ship and causing the wood to cut open and sink- Drowning everyone inside and upon the boat.

_If I do that, I’m no better than **them.**_

The feeling in their body was heavy and forced their body to break apart in small clusters, their skin shattering near each joint. It was barely seeable, but their flesh chipped away as the emotions of their comrades overan the safety and complete-feeling on their skin.

Pieces of their limbs gently clattered to the ground, like they were shedding tiny flakes of snow; Wiping them off of their coat and off of their clothes with light and shallow breaths that marked down how unhealthy they were inside. 

The prickling against their arms was unnerving, and yet the idea that they could no longer please and serve a human they had been tethered to all their life was more sickening than anything else. 

The boat rocked, and they slid against the metal flooring of the cage, their tail screeching as the coppery based material was absently dragged against the iron ground that prevented them from breaking the wood underneath. It was so loud, and echoed throughout the large storage area they were in. 

Several of the other creatures stared at them, their head colliding once again with the bars as their horns scraped the roof of the cage. It screamed aloud, like nails on a chalkboard, and yet the Copper-Wire did nothing to stop the noise; Nor did they react as it dug deep grooves into the top of the cage. 

Like claw marks, a desperation to escape. 

_I want to go home, Silo. Home to master._

_“I can’t help you any further. I am dead, and you’ll die by trying to give us nutrition. Yield.”_ Silo’s voice was harsh and cold, a product of both denial and hatred for the situation. 

And what happened when creatures were angry?

They lashed out. 

That’s why their older companion was being harsh on them; Because otherwise, Neoã would die due to the weak and soft pestermation of their companions and voices in their mind.. And therefore be unable to defend themself against cruelty and unjust bonds that would be forced upon them all. 

_You're alive in me. I feel you coil in my gut and wrap your hands around my thoughts. You’re scared, too. So be scared with me._

They said instead, ignoring the pain in their torso as if something was splitting them open. It hurt a lot, but the fear inside of forgetting their master and all that they had grown to love- Grown up within solitude in peace and quiet, was scarier than anything else. 

To forget how to be free, that was like forgetting how to keep your own sanity under check and being able to live with the illnesses that plagued you. It was an everlasting sickness, and ate away at everything you were. 

It was chronic and would end up killing you for money. 

_Money, greed, hate, or spite._

It couldn’t inspire anyone, and certainly wouldn’t be able to prove safe in the eyes of humanity. Life itself was a pain, a trickery made by those above and those who had overwhelmingly strong levels of power. A Copper-Wire-Shifter was a delicacy, a thing beyond human comprehension they said. 

People hunted them for everything they were. 

People ate their stomachs to ‘cure’ sicknesses.

People made soup out of their muscles and called it ‘Fine Dining’.

People hunted them down and forced bonds with them, gaining eternal access to money and wealth at the slightest order.

People hunted them to rip their teeth out and make necklaces for millions of yen. 

People hunted them down to take their horns and tails, create weapons and armor and to use their most important limbs like it was an item from a toy shop that was a limited edition. 

Copper-Wire Shifters were hunted because they were loyal- Would listen to anything and do anything for as long as their master would praise them in any way possible right after.. Even if it was a singular nod of light approval and then a frown of disappointment because they _needed to be better._

Neoã watched their people get slaughtered. 

Neoã watched their whole world come crashing down to earth, life crumbling into small pieces and tiny shards of obsidian and decaying scares that fell upon hollowing smiles and deaf ears. 

The memories were fresh. 

The hate was still fresh. 

The desire to kill and devour those humans’ bodies was still fresh. 

And yet, all Neoã could do was sit in a mindless bliss, blinded and hungry with both denial and strife; Craving vengeance and yet craving nothing more than for someone to approach and hold them close. 

Craving and striving for praise was what all Copper-Wire Shifters needed to survive. Without it, they died. Their joints would stop working, their limbs would turn heavy and solid on gold and rare ores that humans would always love to take and steal to sell for large sums of cash.

It was both sad and dishonorable.

They wanted to go back to that place; To kill and kill and _kill._ To take back the pain and to just reign hell upon the people who had appeared and slaughtered all of the family that Copper-Wire Shifters relied on to survive both safely and in contemptuous bliss. 

But they didn’t know if the master would want that. It hurt, it tugged at their heartstrings and forced them to binch their shoulders and cover their lapis blue eyes before the redness looked ugly and distasteful.

 _“I’ll be scared with you. I get it, I get it. You don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to be with you, too. Our masters are dead; And you are hosting us. I’ll be scared with you.”_ Clarry said softly, tone echoing in the Copper-Wire’s head. 

Aelish finally caved in, yielding his will to the host. Silo followed in pursuit, silencing herself from stating anything else. They all were quiet, and it left Neoã to listen to the creaking of wood and partial screeching of their metal against the cage. 

The fangs in her arm finally retracted, and they dropped their limb back into their lap. The teeth marks were sharp, and the blood had been sucked away from the outer shell.. Resulting in coppery-gold flakes of skin to peel away and shed off at the slightest jostle. 

That was fine. 

Eikan nodded numbly, and the host could feel his presence bob up and down. His tone was both hushed and yet so feather-light, it made them feel appreciated and cared for. _“The others are still mad; But we aren’t. I recall you were the one to attack first, so.. Thank you, Neoã.”_

 _I only followed orders._ They said dully. 

This wasn’t the praise they wanted- The praise they wanted was from their master. Their leader and the one who they were supposed to follow until the day death claimed their life like at an auctioning house. 

_“Your orders kept your master alive. That meant you were willing to risk it all, and host us even if you were separated from the people.”_ Came the bold and rather blunt reply, though it was an unfamiliar voice. 

The boat creaked again, and metal scraped against metal. 

_“Opalene?”_ Silo inquired, swallowing thickly. Her voice was strained at the sound of hearing from the other Copper-Wire, who had probably been killed right in front of the other. 

From what Neoã remembered, despite their mind being foggy, Opalene had been a ‘player’ of Silo’s partnership- Which meant this voice belonged to a female who had nearly taken down one of the human’s who killed Soli’s master. Or, at least, she had caused severe damage that would lead to death. 

If your master dies, it’s likely that you will shatter and splinter back into a piece of jewelry. Before the older Copper-Wire did that, she had aimed a fatal attack at the human who murdered her leader- But was overpowered..

But then Opalene had appeared and very literally kicked the person’s head off. Of course, at the time, the long haired female had already started decaying and shattering herself, so the attack was more of a ‘revenge before death’ action.. One that resulted in what they all wanted to think was _death_ to that ‘hunter’.

 _“Your words are blank, brother. At least you can still find another master, Neoã.”_ Opalene mumbled, voice as broken as her body. It was a sad reality, really; One without any condolence or reassurance. 

Most Copper-Wire Shifters were now dead. 

_“Soli, your master has been used in an unholy manner. Majakol wishes you well, too. I am sorry I died before being able to butcher them.”_ The Copper-Wire replied, sounding as apathetically as always. 

She was filled with a deep hate, but such an aurora did not flutter into the host’s mind, much to their relief. To butcher anyone, even in revenge, was considered slightly barbaric; Especially if a master wasn’t the one ordering you to act that way and destroy the opponent’s life. 

The world was loud, creaking against the soft breathing that Neoã adapted to. Their breaths were shallow and yet weren’t causing any initial panic, only discomfort for as it felt as if someone was simply squeezing their lungs until they would burst open like a stuffed pig being cut open to serve humans for dinner. 

_“Who is hosting us.. Ah; Neoã.”_ Another voice appeared, this time gruff and yet still caring. _Majakol._ His tone switched into one of wistfulness, _“You took my bracelet? Why?”_

The host of the Copper-Wires mutely nodded to themself, hands gripping their mutilated and cut up legs close to their chest. Their tail curled around their body, the coppery color rubbing off due to how potent the poor creature’s aurora was. People called in _nen._

Neoã called it an invasion of their private thoughts and moods. For others to be able sense how they felt without them ever voicing their emotions willingly with the intention to share? It sounded appalling and more like a burden to those who felt their mood be ridden with anxiety and heavy exhaustion. 

_I don’t want them to sell you all for money. You aren’t dead, or disconnected. It scares me._

It went quiet again, for what was probably the hundredth time. 

That silence was so loud in their head, it made them want to cry and feverishly claw at their throat and eyes. The metal was hot and sticky against their flesh, and it felt as if it had its own nails pricking into their skin and digging in to stay attached. Like parasites feeding off of their host, they wouldn’t reuse their grip until they had enough energy to stay put together without shattering. 

Eikan and Aelish were silently absorbing the energy the Copper-Wire had, like drinking sap as it slowly dripped down the bark of a tree. They both were eager to get back their physical forms, but without energy, they were stuck as metal bands around the host’s neck. 

That was okay, too. Of course it was; Because Neoã felt too exhausted to try and make them stop. What a surprise; The weak Copper-Wire couldn’t even voice their disdain for their parasites’ actions. 

How pleasant.

There was the court and sound of nails screeching against wood again, ripping at the material in disdain. They couldn’t tell if it was in their head, or in the outside world. All they knew was that it was loud and _goddamn_ did it hurt their ears and cause them to feel as if their eyes had been gouged out.

Everything was loud- From their breathing to the harsh hisses from the creatures on the damn ship, the barks of orders from the humans aboard and above the displeasing ceiling, all the way to the angry and aggressive yelps from the Copper-Wires they were hosting inside of their body. 

It was simply too much to bare, and it felt lik3 everything that they had worked for was slipping past their hands and shattering like a thousand glass cups against the metal floor of their cage. 

_They_ were shattering, too. 

Not just their mind; No. Their body was barking just as easily.. Flaking off and causing the metallic tones to grow dull without any shine or proper colorization. Dying alongside their determination. 

_“Shut up,”_ Soli snapped, her voice loud. _“You all uphold too much shit for them to be okay. If you can’t keep yourselves silent and less pessimistic, you’ll kill them before we can get the hell out.”_

It went quiet again, but the feeling didn’t go away. 

It stayed under their flesh, gnawing away at the once eager and overjoyed energy the Copper-Wire Shifter once carried with pride and joy. Their heart thumped in their chest slowly and weakly, barely passing as a heartbeat at all. It counted merely because it was there, faint, but there. 

God how they wished it wasn’t.

 _“She isn’t going to die,”_ Eikan grumbled haughtily. _“Probably only pass out. We need energy to regrow our bodies- Once we do that we can protect her again.”_

Opalene snorted, unconvinced. _“He is blank inside, and he will end up decaying too. He’s already started to shatter, and even you know how sick that can make a creature become.”_

 _“Stop eating her energy, Aelish, Eikan, Soli.”_ Clarry hissed at the others who were devoting themselves to consuming Neoã’s strength, her voice like a glacier falling into water. 

It echoed in the host’s mind, making their eyes water and their mouth go dry with hunger- A desire to go home and curl up on the wet grounds and watch the sunlight trickle through the wide and lush canopy provided by the forest’s trees. To sit in silence and smile with the humans who took care of their needs so feverishly. 

To be safe again.

 _“Pipe dream, pipe dream.”_ Soli chided, a soft facade piling into Neoã’s mind and senses, prying their internalized happiness and beliefs back into reality. _“Don’t think about it and it won’t hurt as much-?”_

They were ripped away from the forest and deep greenery, the scents of wildlife replaced with the musky scent of wood and sea salt. Noises of birds and children laughing turned into the creaking of wood and the broken sounds of metal screeching and boisterous sailors shouting random cheers. 

The sickening noise of victory, having taken the creatures and animals from the people who had decided not to kill them for profits instead trading them like they were simply a bag of coins in order to buy something. 

That they had been too weak to properly defend themself or get proper revenge- Becoming prey to a hierarchy of violence and chaos 

All of their memories were warped and fuzzy, faces unclear and desires twisted into random surges of energy that supposedly drove them forwards to attack at whatever moved towards them at the time, only to fall to being given off to a random person in order for money. 

Sold.

Sold.

Sold.

Sold.

**Sold.**

Neoã felt repulsed at the celebration above, absolutely disgusted at the way they were proud to acquire species that were weak in numbers and were nearing extinction. Prideful in their abilities of caging them all up like tiny dolls in boxes to be sold at toy stores, given to the young and the most greedy for a new item to play with. 

It forced them to let their tail coil, an emotion piercing through their mind. _Hate._ It bubbled in their gut and trickled through their body at an alarming rate, climbing up their throat and nudging at their jaws, filling their eyes with a haze that reeked with bloodlust and merciless spite. 

Without warning, Neoã’s anger spiked into heavy bloodlust, the desire so heavy it roared into existence and stained the air with tension as thick as hundreds of mountains pushed together. Their mind went hazy, and they slammed their tail harshly into the metal of their cage.

It scraped loudly, screeching until it was the only noise that could be heard in the storage unit of the ship. They got up, their horns banging into the roof of the cage, unable to fully stand due to how small the container was for them. Their tail slid across the metal, the tip poking against the bars.

Then, again, it slammed so fucking loudly that the metal cracked under the pressure. Neoã’s eyes were glazed over, and as their tail moved again, it broke the side of the cage and caused the metal to scream out like it had just been pierced without any mercy. 

It had, though. 

Their mind was clouded with hunger and the need for vengeance, to kill the people who were happily living their days up on the ship’s deck, unaware of the plague that cornered the creature’s mind and was forcibly creating a rift.

But who cared?

If people were willing to sell life as if it wasn’t valuable outside of profit of selfish benefits that would come through ‘patience’ and ‘care’, the people sure as _hell_ wouldn’t give a single damn if they were to walk out of this cage and go murder them all.

A life for a life, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — — — 
> 
> **Neoã**
> 
> _Alias:_ Neoã, Creature, Copper-Wire Shifter, Livestock, Child  
>  _Age:_ (Post-Chapter 1) 9  
>  _Gender:_ Unidentified / Unlabeled  
>  _Pronouns:_ (Order of Usage) They/Them, She/Her, He/Him, (Other)  
>  _Race:_ Copper-Wire Shifter  
>  _Height:_ (Post-Chapter 1) 143cm  
>  _Weight:_ 84 pounds  
>  _Birthday:_ September 16th  
>  _Hair Color:_ Silverish White with teal tips.  
>  _Eye Color:_ Lapis Blue, (Teal When Using Nen)  
>  _Blood Type:_ (Can’t Be Identified)  
>  _State:_ Alive  
>  _Nen Type:_ Unknown
> 
> _Quote:_ “I don’t know; I just want to find my master again. They’re the best.”
> 
>  _Favorite Thing:_ “I like clouds and honey flavored candies, they’re sweet and harmless. Mostly. The master gave me a lot of them when I was with them, so it’s a good thing I like ‘em so much. I can’t disappoint them if I enjoy it.”
> 
> _’Parasites’ Being Hosted (23) :_  
>  — Soli (F)  
> — Clarry (F)  
> — Opalene (F)  
> — Aelish (M)  
> — Eikan (M)  
> — Majakol (M)  
> — Koklu (U)  
> — Balin (M)  
> — Lovathin (F)  
> — Perimix (F)  
> — Tremoore (M)  
> — Xaelixas (M)  
> — Ilander (U)  
> — Yuq (F)  
> — Raccoll (M)  
> — Aeirloom (M)  
> — Polickwi (F)  
> — Noualan (F)  
> — Verinity (F)  
> — Dälee (M)  
> — Faè (F)  
> — Javicier (U)  
> — Hakilant (M)
> 
> — — —  
> Notes:
> 
> Neoã supremacy tbh, I love him sm. Their design is rather complicated, and I fucking WISH I could add an image; But I honestly have no idea how, nor do I know how to add a link. (I tried before, but failed miserably)
> 
> So, if you want to see his design, you can look up “SpeedingCheetah” on Instagram. I have a post with his reference sheet and another image of him using his Nen abilities. (That one is more chaotic / recent, and I was trying a new style but I really like it.)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. Milk Tea (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, Neoã just wanted to indulge a little bit, enjoy what he could without listening to the shrieks and angry hisses of the voices in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neoã used “He/Him” pronouns in this chapter.
> 
> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence (Gore + Blood), Mentions of Death / Murder, Emotional Damage, Self-Harm, Self-Destruction, Mention of Drowning, Sickness(?).._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.

When a human becomes tired, they normally sleep.

When a human becomes dedicated, they’ll forget about sleeping and continue with what they’re doing with a new found passion. 

When a human is hungry, they eat to soothe their hunger. 

But when a Copper-Wire is any of these things; It’s the opposite. They won’t sleep until they’re told they can, even if they’re struggling to stay awake. They’re always dedicated unless told otherwise; They can’t do anything until their masters say so.

They won’t eat until ordered to. 

On their own, a human is free.

If a Copper-Wire is alone without a master, it’s the worst thing that can happen to them. They can’t act properly, and they become either too impulsive or unresponsive to the point they get themselves killed.

And then you have Neoã Culn; A Copper-Wire Shifter who had been alone for five years, keeping to himself and merely lavishing himself in solemn prosperity, curling up around the golden coins his body produced from his injuries and ignoring all outside life unless they approached him first. 

He was alone each day, walking by himself through thick forests and drinking from the water on the ground when it was visible before him. Sometimes he went days without drinking anything, sometimes he didn’t even respond to the hunger that would form in his stomach. 

When he did, after suppressing it for days at a time, he’d kill any of the animals in his proximity, and eat each one; Even if his body became sick at the overload of food. In the end, it was better than going hungry every night until he succumbed to exhaustion. 

He did what he did out of spite, killing when he got hungry and harming his body when he was upset. To take his anger out on others would be both futile and dishonorable, not to mention selfish of him. 

That’s why he took it out on himself instead, stabbing through his ribs and clawing at his throat, ripping his flesh out of self-hate and doubt over his own choices and misery. He’d force his tail to thrash, letting it hit against his chest and stab through his sides like a metal spike impaling him. 

Perhaps that is what it came down to, if you put it in simple terms. 

Boiled it down to what it truly was.

All he knew was how to cope through negative ways; Banging his head into nearby trees and clawing at his skin until it bled those atrocious shades of champagne gold and deep silver, liquid metals drenching the grounds and tasting like fresh iron. 

His ways of coping were self destructive, leaving him raw and exposed to illness. He allowed sickness to plague him, thinking that perhaps it’d finally give him a sense of clarity, perhaps a way to escape if he was that lucky. But, of course, he wasn’t ever gifted with such a thing. 

He was irrational and filled with desperation most days, hate and self-pity filling his eyes as he walked around forests and climbed up mountains. He threw himself at roaring rivers and allowed the water to consume him, and yet, he always ended up back on the shores.

The voices yelled at him, and he couldn’t tell who they were anymore. All he knew was that if he died, he’d stop hearing them; Just as they’d stop living, stop being present in reality’s cold grasps.

Sometimes that’s all he could think about for days on end.

Death. 

_What were to happen if I were to die?_

_What is past this life?_

_Is there another one, waiting for me to take part in?_

_Do I simply cease to exist, or am I forced to suffer for not completing my duty? Do I get my peaceful ending, or do I abide by rules I don’t even follow anymore?_

Those were the thoughts that filled his head, and it never left. Sure, it’d go away for a bit, but it always came back when he was minding his business. He’d be brushing his hair with his hands by a river, hear the thoughtless whisper asking him if his master even knew of him anymore. 

And then he was tugging at his locks and choking on his own saliva, ripping at his hair and then slamming himself into the water without a second thought. That was just how things went down. 

Into the loophole.

Into his head.

Into his mind. 

And then of course, he’d wake up from it all, like it was only a dream. A dream that he forgot about the next few hours, thinking nothing of the desperation and desires of release that filled his mind. 

Thinking nothing of his previous actions of throwing himself into harm’s way, purposely thinking he’d get to rest. That he’d get a break. That the voices would stop. That he would be able to relax. That time would stop so he could blink away his tears. That his pains would finally subside. 

But it never happened.

So he didn’t dwell on it, pulling himself up and drying himself off. He’d clean his hair again, fix his clothes and adjust the golden bands that were on his wrists and neck, fix the necklaces that got tangled under his shirt, and finally fix himself up by shoving away his memories and walking away as if nothing happened. 

When a human breaks, they cry or internally scream. 

When he breaks, he shatters and cries like no one is around. 

Normally no one is, normally no one will ever know. No one will realize, and that's the one guilty pleasure he had. No one knew, because he was all alone in a forest; Sobbing uncontrollably and harming himself to the point his flesh was easily ripped open due to the fragile strength he had. 

The parasites ate his energy, ate his emotions, ate his resolve. They fed off of him and anything he managed to have within his body. 

Muscles? Eaten. 

Strength? Eaten.

Emotions? Eaten.

Energy? Eaten.

Motivation? Eaten.

Immunity? Eaten.

That was what happened; Each time he was to hunt down an animal, kill it, and then try to eat it. His appetite was never full because the creatures he was hosting around his arms and neck never left him alone. They ate away at whatever he devoured, whatever he tried to savor for his own benefit. 

It was selfish of him to try and savor what he killed and consumed, but he was still hungry even after killing herds of deer. The gnawing stayed in his body, and it pricked his skin constantly, unnerving his system and making his body freeze. His joints would lock and his knees would buckle; Sending him into the ground and hitting his head against the earthy soil or rock littered dirt. 

Sometimes it wasn’t painful.

_Sometimes it was._

Sometimes it didn’t leave marks. 

_Sometimes it did._

Sometimes he’d stay on the ground for a long time.

_Sometimes he got up right away._

His decisions were never calculated, never fully thought through. It was a curse to his own body, one that only ever caused him harm. Of course; That should’ve been expected, coming from a self-destructive kid who couldn’t even fix their own mentality to improve their internal fears and urges to hide behind a person he no longer knew was alive. 

Even if there were options that were visible and clearly safer, he was drawn to the danger and the risk associated with the other choices.. Because if he were to fail, he’d die. If he died, he’d get to rest even if it was only for a little bit. 

That was worth the pain, right? 

_Wrong._

Neoã exhaled, walking down the streets tiredly. His body ached and the heat that clouded his gaze wasn’t from him over-exerting himself. If it was, he would’ve been fine to walk without trying to focus on his steps.

And yet, here he was; Struggling to keep himself composed in the crowds of people who were shopping and talking to their friends, chatting to stall vendors and waving arms excitedly at spotting their significant other. They all interacted idly, like leaves in the wind. 

It was odd and almost made him turn tail and walk all the way back to the dense forests so he could cry. But he didn’t allow his emotions to twist into such a thing, instead shoving them away in favor of keeping himself balanced and focused on how fast he walked. 

If he walked too fast, he’d be easily sought out. That’d leave him being vulnerable, which was both nerve wracking to think about, and uncomfortable. But; If he walked too slow, he’d be chased down and walked over.

If he stood in one place too long, he’d be looked at oddly for being all alone. That too, wasn’t an ideal thing to experience- Let alone not say anything due to the lacking factor of orders. Without a master, he didn’t fight back. He did what he could to stay afloat and ‘alive’, but he wouldn’t talk back if someone told him to do something. 

His job was to please humans. That was his life’s purpose, really. If he did anything out of the ordinary, he’d be dead; Gone away with the ocean’s harshest waves and thrown out like rotten fruit. 

It wasn’t worth the trouble.. Not without a master. 

His stomach was empty, and all he could feel was the overwhelming emotion of starvation that rang loudly in his ears. The voices were mad and frustrated, and their emotions overpowered his own. It influenced him to become frustrated himself, though he managed to stomp the feeling down into an endless bliss. 

To give in to such a thing.. _Selfish._

The only feeling he knew that wasn’t hunger or exhaustion, was undying rage and everlasting hate for himself. It wasn’t anything too horrid, though he knew better than to think it was keeping him active. 

When he starved, the voices starved. His energy drained and he felt as lifeless as he looked; Which was both disgusting and repulsive to see as well as feel. You’d be like a husk, and all you could focus on would be how gross you felt on the inside. Broken and torn up, and unable to try and mend yourself properly for as long as you stayed alive. 

Truly, a shitty experience. 

Almost as shitty as Neoã felt all day, using his abilities without ever replenishing his energy. With twenty-three Copper-Wires in his body, feeding off of everything he had until he could barely function, it was only natural that he struggled to do the most basic tasks that a Copper-Wire Shifter should’ve been able to do. 

It hadn’t been long since he sunk the ship, killing the crew and destroying the wood, and he succeeded in mindlessly wandering the sea until he reached land again. Apparently, the providence where he had lived wasn’t in his geographic senses, resulting in him forgetting how to return to the earthy scents and safe ginger roots with the deepest and most lush foliage ever to exist.

He had killed those on board and set the animals free underneath in the storage, floating with driftwood against the tides. The bloodlust he had felt had been overwhelming, and it still stayed with him. It was painful, trying to stomp it into oblivion when he got the tiniest bit frustrated. 

But, alas, he managed to ignore it. It’d spark up and urge him to kill the thing that pissed him off, but he’d always find himself harming his body rather than the living thing or item that had originally irked him. Coping with hate wasn’t easy, nor was ignoring his longing for revenge. 

It was a strong thing, flickering in his mind and never being deteriorated. Of course, even if it mentally fucked him over time and time again; He didn’t have much of a choice. He wanted death; But was afraid to experience the feeling of leaving reality permanently. 

The emotions were just too conflicting, really. With them, he felt drained. Without them, he felt drained too. It really didn’t matter what he did or didn’t, he’d still feel like shit and exhausted.

Used his abilities to hide his tail and horns from the average people who didn’t have access to nen, he’d be drained. Didn’t use his abilities to hide his physical form, he’d become drained and feverish; Trying to avoid hunters who wanted his organs and money making blood. 

It was utter bullshit.. And it made him want to cry until his body couldn’t produce anymore tears. Such a thing, though, if he was totally honest- It’d be impossible. Copper-Wire Shifters would still bleed even if they died, just as they’d still produce tears while they slept or started to decay. 

Anything he wanted to do wasn’t even a strong desire. His goal was to find his master and reclaim his kin that had been killed and forced into their format forms. He wanted to follow his person’s orders, not deal with his own freedom and selfish actions of trying to sleep and take care of himself.

It felt wrong to do, which was why he hated it the most. 

The masculine-associating creature passed through the stalls, catching scents of food and sweets; Freshly made candies and the earthy yet humble smell of pottery being freshly molded in front of an audience. 

It was Almost too casual to be considered an environment he detested, but overall he just wanted to get some type of food in his stomach to shut the voices up. They were yelling incoherent things, nagging at his calm and somewhat collected perspective, turning it into unease and exhaustion.

Shoving it all away, he kept his hands firmly planted in the pockets of his shorts, which practically resembled a skirt due to how ‘flowy’ it was. It was orange and rather airy, operating as a neutral clothing piece by his own accord. 

If he felt feminine one day, he’d adjust the fabric against his waist and untie the string near the hem of the cloth to make it look identical to a skirt. When he felt like a _male,_ and presented himself as a masculine person, he’d tighten the waistband and make sure it simply looked like baggy shorts that had loose ends. 

He wore a pale blue-grey shirt, one that had a low V-neck opening and long sleeves that ended at his elbows. It felt large around his frame, warm and yet never keeping him away from the harsh nips of the cold weather and heavy blues of snowstorms during the winter.

You could say it was warm, but not warm _enough._

His rib cage was probably the easiest thing that could get him killed, if not his heart being removed for whatever purpose being such a thing that would destroy his entire existence. By that notion, he also refused to allow himself to get too sickly.. Meaning he wore excess layers around the area where his heart would be present. 

Tight fabrics wrapped around his chest over his shirt, the colors of sunlight and sunrises that radiated heat and cheerful summers that slowly turned into dull autism and broken winters. 

Blinking away his fuzzy vision, his ears pricked at the sound of dishes clattering together, the sound of a bell chiming catching his attention right after. It was a sound that struck an internal melody in his mind, slightly drowning out the voices who were now hissing at one another. 

There was the distant chatter of people talking, and then he found himself taking a sharp turn down one of the streets to follow the sound of what he wanted to think was a food shop of some sort. 

He didn’t exactly know what it was, but it smelled really good, to which he was allowing himself to indulge in the idea. The belt around his waist had several pouches hanging off it, some filled with tiny trinkets and random things from nature that he had chosen to keep; Like rocks, for example, whereas some had coins directly created from his blood.

Those coins were made from pure golds, silvers and coppers; Having originally been liquid as it was cut from his flesh and out of his veins.. Only to solidify into polished shapes that mimicked modern currencies. 

The only thing about his was the fact that it probably was worth a lot more than a ‘check’, it being authentic and had value as soon as you obtained the item from him. Gold coins? Valuable. Silver bars and copper shards? Also valuable, and highly requested by those who were greedy. 

Neoã didn’t really mind it anymore, all he wanted to do was buy the food that he was smelling until the shop ran out of it. He wanted to indulge himself in a meal, shut the voices up so _he’d_ actually get a chance to replenish his strength before they ate away at it like it was a block of ice being carved into a swan.

Without fully processing what he was doing, he blinked again, finding himself inside a small shop with the scent of celery being cut in the air. The creature caught a whiff of pork being cooked, and his stomach silently begged to take in that food to cease his starvation. 

And yet, to just walk past the counter would be rude.. Right? 

He didn’t remember manners or cultural things, let alone acknowledge how much he had forgotten about people. It was his fault for allowing his knowledge to slip through his fingers each time he broke down in a fit of anger or grief, but it still caused a bit of frustration to spark in his gut. 

Luckily he managed to push the feeling aside, instead looking around the shop in quiet awe. It was quiet, and there were no customers inside besides himself, which eased some of his anxieties. 

He glanced at a bell on a counter, blinking at it in mild curiosity. _Was this what I heard? This tiny thing? That’s.. Weird._

Swallowing thickly, he reached out and gently tapped the item; Flinching when it chimed out loud at his actions. It was like a flower blooming after wiliting in th3 dark for so long, growing as its petals blossomed. 

Then, he heard a click from behind the counter. Looking up, he blinked when a door slid open and a joyous looking man appeared from the room in the back, wearing an apron and holding several items in his hands; Most likely for display behind the glass. 

Neoã swallowed again, trying to give a polite smile to him. He gestured at the bowl of food behind the glass, hoping the man who was presumably running the shop understood as to what he meant. He forgot what the food was called, but it had noodles and looked rather filling.. So he was simply asking for it in favor of his body’s desperate cries of starvation.

The human paused, eyes flickering, before he grinned and set down the plates and bowls he had been skillfully carrying. “A ramen bowl, huh? Sure thing, kiddo. Any toppings, or just as it’s normally served?”

It was such a simple question, but it passed over his head and caused him to glance back at the bowl. Slowly, he shook his head and pointed to it again, looking back to the adult and giving what he wanted to think looked like a weak smile. But knowing how tired he was, it probably looked like a grimace. 

No matter, the human clicked his tongue in understanding nodding. “Alright, alright. Do you have money with you? If you don’t, I can’t serve you.” 

Without a second thought, Neoã silently unhooked one of his many pouches from his belt and untied the knot, sticking his hand in and rummaging for the coins inside. After a few seconds, he pulled out five golden coins, showing them to the man behind the counter before setting it on the surface in front of him. 

If the expression from the human was anything to go off of, him retrieving gold and rather _authentic_ looking coins rather than yen was a major surprise, just as it was a situation that caught the vendor’s attention. 

His aura shifted for the briefest moment, flickering into greed and sudden yearning; Only to change back into joy and suspicion. He took one of the cons cautiously, blinking at its shiny coat and rubbing it between his fingers for a few moments. 

Neoã only waited patiently, trying to read the price tag below the bowl of ‘ramen’ he had chosen on a whim. It was something around nine-hundred yen, but the Copper-Wire could only tell such a thing because of the number. One of the few things that he hadn’t been able to figure out; Reading. 

“Where’d you even get a hold of these?” The guy muttered in disbelief, more so to himself than to his customer. He set the coin down and grabbed another, eyes sparkling with wonder and something akin to desire. 

He blinked, scuffling one foot after a moment of trying to figure out how to properly word what he wanted to say, “Don’t know.. It’s gold.” 

After another minute, he mumbled a question. “Will it suffice..?”

“Uh- Yes, yes it will. Do you want another bowl, then? One coin.. It can probably pay for three bowls if you really wanted to buy more-” The man cut himself off, watching the kid rummage with his pouch again, then empty its contents onto the counter.

A bunch of coins toppled outwards, clinking against one another. Neoã, not seeing a problem with giving all of his gold to a shop vendor eagerly blinked and pointed back to the ramen bowl. “As many of those- As, as.. Uh, as I can get-t.” 

His mind went fuzzy, and he blinked for a second, before giving another nervous smile. He had no idea on how to be formally polite, let alone order things without stumbling over his words like a feeble-minded toddler. “Please..?”

“You got it! Would you like a drink with that- Ah, who am I kidding? What would you like to drink, no charge added.” He sputtered, taking the coins and beaming with a joyous attitude. “Soda, tea, water, coffee? Lay it on me, we probably have it!”

The Copper-Wire Shifter thought to himself, trying to remember what he always drank before his home had been raided and kin slaughtered. It popped into his head, washing over him with a warm appreciation.

“Do you have.. Milk-tea..?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d just like to say that if I miss a trigger, you could tell me and I’ll add it in the chapter notes! I normally don’t get spooked or jostled by tags, so I often overlook a lot of them. Let me know if i didn’t mark one of the more prominent ones.


	3. Milk Tea (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neoã liked the way milk-tea tasted. He liked the way it slipped over his tongue, dripping down his throat and washing over him in a peaceful tranquility. 
> 
> And yet, such a thing never lasted long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neoã uses “He/Him” pronouns in this chapter. 
> 
> — — —
> 
> (Future Reference)
> 
>  **Culnaxelist:** “The species honorific that is roughly tied to an originating language of Copper-Wire Shifters; Over hundreds of years old. It refers to a Copper-Wire’s loyalty and status, but is harmful and highly disagreed with among those who are the classification of a Copper-Wire Shifter. The term is the scientific name of the species, but causes severe panic to arise. Not many know such a thing, which means those who know the term know how to overpower if not kill the Copper-Wire in question.”
> 
> — — —
> 
> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence (Gore + Blood), Mentions of Death / Murder, Emotional Damage, Unintentional Self-Harm.._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.

Alright, Neoã would admit, eating ramen bowls in comfortable silence wasn’t how he expected to spend his evening, but he had no complaints. The shop wasn’t closed yet, and he was still happy to pay for any services the human gave him.

Bringing him food..

Bringing him drinks..

Even asking if the ramen was good. 

It was quiet and humble, calm and just collected enough to result in him feeling generous enough to nod numbly to whatever the man asked of him. So, this led the younger person to now sit at a table booth in the corner of the shop, silently enjoying his ramen and humming internally at the warm broth that bathed over his tongue. 

His body was warm and had no complaints over eating so much, in fact he’d go as far as to say his physical form was lavishing in the replenishment that filled the empty void that made up his stomach. 

It was a shock the human running the store hadn’t lost his shit over how many bowls of ramen that Neoã was eating, let alone in such a small amount of time. Hell, he was also surprised at how quickly he was eating. 

But at the same time, he’d rather get sick from shoving the meal down his esophagus rather than sick from not eating enough to satisfy _their_ needs.

There was a melody playing in the air, and though Neoã had no fucking idea as to where it was coming from and _how_ it was present, but he didn’t have enough energy to care or truly be startled by the music that was in the shop.

He was more focused on trying to savor the flavor on his tongue and enjoy as much of each ramen-bowl he could before the voices absorbed it right out of his system, taking the energy out of him and devouring it for themselves and their own selfish gain for restocking their strengths. 

Neoã stirred the noodles around again, watching the tiny leaves twirl in the water. He wanted to think they were chives, but he wouldn’t know. It had been awhile since he had human food, let alone recognize all the different meals that could be created with different spices and seasoning. 

He normally would eat rocks and then chew on broken glass from destroyed cities that were abandoned and nearly gone from existence; Before trailing back to what he did in the dark. Hunted for those who couldn’t be forgiven, hunted for the people who had to die.

Copper-Wire Shifters couldn’t feel remorse without the trade of their master’s agreement; Meaning death wasn’t something that would cause a reaction out of him. Without the master at his side to keep orders up to date, he had to think of it all himself. 

Freedom was a curse. 

Honestly. 

He jabbed the noodles once, blinking at the broth that sloshed, before spinning the ramen around his chopsticks and silently placing it onto his tongue; Inhaling the liquid and licking the droplets that got under his lower lip. 

Everything he wanted to do wasn’t a want, and all of his desires were fixated on the memory of how his master had felt before having yelled at Neoã to do something, _anything_. 

In that moment after sprinting off into the trees and back to the village where the anarchy had been taking place, he arrived on scene and tackled against a person that carried a potent aura. Due to deciding to throw himself at the nearest raider, he also bit down upon that person’s arm and tore. 

He tore and tore and _tore._ He didn’t remember if it came off or not, though he did remember the pang of agony that went up his spine when they threw him off. 

Of course, at the time he had also been fueled by his own bloodlust; But in truth he just wanted to please his bound-leader and show he wouldn’t turn tail to flee in cowardliness, unlike what his truest nature was telling him to do. His nature was to avoid violence instead of inflicting it, but god damn.. 

He also had instincts to kill and eat his prey like a cougar and deer. Neoã was a creature made to liquify and produce gold. Neoã was a creature made to die loyally and obey all commands; So.. He hoped he succeeded.

Even if he didn’t know where the Kurta was anymore, he hoped that his master had known he went down fighting and kicking and stabbing and absolutely manically without allowing the attackers a chance to kill him for his organs.

Their auras were potent, reeking of greed and a lust for power. At the same time, it had sickened and numbed him, but overall he could only hate the feeling of familiarity between the group. 

How could you have empathy for those close to you, but no one else?

Neoã set his chopsticks on a napkin, carefully picking up the bowl and sipping the broth. It tasted good, far too good to be something he deserved. It was a conflicting feeling, the urge to enjoy the small things he felt attached to, only to experience his negative thoughts heat up inside of his body and overtake his optimistic attitude. 

You could openly admit whatever the hell you wanted, but life itself was just so tiring you’d only fall victim to whatever hellish explanation those around you had to offer. 

It was sad, really. 

The Copper-Wire Shifter felt his emotions spike, like a cat jumping at the sound of someone banging open a door and dropping their trash into an alley. Shoving the thoughts and feelings away, he hoped his negativity would be consumed by the voices.. Though he knew it wouldn’t. 

They were preoccupied with eating his happiness and ramen, always avoiding getting rid of his pains. Afterall, due to them eating away at everything else, if he were to lose his sadness and hate too; He’d really become an empty husk fit to be manipulated like someone’s doll. 

And he supposed he couldn’t have that happening; Especially because he wasn’t willing to be manhandled outside of his master’s orders or his master themself. To allow such a thing would be traitorous and selfish of him.. 

To follow someone else’s commands just to escape his free will? _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid._ He couldn’t just do that for his own benefit; Such a thing would be greedy of him. 

It always would. 

He was twelve- It had only been three years of hellish intent in his own mind and body. He lashed out at his own reflection for fuck’s sake; Who was to say he’d do well under the impression he was getting relief from another human simply because he didn’t know where _his_ was? 

Everything he knew was fuzzy and mixed in with nightmarish intent, linking him to hate and the everlasting feeling that he needed to attack something or someone to even begin to cope with his anger. 

Though such a thing was already present in his life, plaguing his body and causing him to rip his flesh open like a dying carcass of a deer being torn apart by scavengers, he wanted to think that it was a normal reaction on his part. That he wouldn’t be killed due to his own selfishness.

He stared at the broth remaining in the bowl he just set down, thinking carefully to himself. What could he do besides try and find someone to serve temporarily? It hurt his head, having to think everything through.

It’d be easier if he just ran headfirst and made up choices along the way to fit every situation he got himself into, impulsively choosing his battles. He did it all the time, forgetting his previous goals and switching course due to singular sound or scent- Perhaps something he saw a few miles away.

He changed course by instinct without a person telling him what was ‘right’ and what was ‘wrong. Without a master, he was irrational and far too stupid to be considered a logical creature. 

The door chimed, and Neoã pulled himself out of his thoughts; Looking up to glance at the door that had opened. A tall person had entered, with somewhat reddish-pink hair. He had a sharp jawline, and a physique that both confused and nearly caused the Copper-Wire’s soul to leave his body.

They looked masculine, but at the same time they had such an hourglass shape it made Neoã wounded if the human had removed some of their ribs just to acquire such a body. 

Either way, before the man who entered could catch his curious gaze, he returned to staring at his broth. Picking up his chopsticks again, he spun the noodles around his two utensils and popped the portion into his mouth. It was still warm, and still tasted nice on his tongue. 

_**Of course it does, you selfish piece of shit.** _

_**It does taste good, but you shouldn’t get to have that feeling. Who gave you permission? Huh? Who decided you deserve to eat food and savor the flavors for yourself?** _

_**You selfish scumbag. So fucking greedy.** _

Neoã dropped the chopsticks into his bowl, unable to keep his hand from shaking at the sudden assault of words in his head; Pounding into his skull and gnawing away at his antics of wanting to feed himself. They were overwhelming in his mind, grinding away at his nerves and burning him alive. 

Pushing the bowl away in silent resolve, he slid over against the booth’s seat and pressed himself against the shop’s wall, towards the window which had cool air pressing against the glass from the outside world. He left his noodles alone, no longer feeling up to eating anymore. 

His milk-tea was halfway finished, but now he gave up drinking the rest of it, too. His appetite was unsatisfied and yet his body was full of self-hate. Neoã knew better than to try and ignore the voice in his head, knowing better than to think he could get away with what he had been doing. 

To try and ignore it would be the same as trying to ignore _the_ voices. They’d merely harm him mentally, more than he already was doing on his own, which meant he’d sit around for weeks in the middle of nowhere, unable to move and stuck in his thoughts listening to the hisses and hateful shouts.

He heard the bell on the counter chime, and resisted the urge to look up to see what the other person was ordering. It’s not like he really cared, it just made him curious. Humans ordered the strangest things and asked the most odd questions only for the answers they want to not be given to them, or anyone else. 

That was what confused him the most, you could say. 

Copper-Wire Shifters were known to die for their master, that they’d stick by that human’s side all their life until death came knocking on either of their doors. As a Copper-Wire, that’s your whole purpose; To serve a human until you couldn’t reform out of a shattered state.

Of course, by what he remembered, most of his kin were slaughtered due to their lack of rationality. When their master dies, they die too. It was by default that if one’s leader is to be killed, their aura disburses in alarm. That means the Copper-Wire serving them will feel it, and is more likely to shatter on realization. 

They weren’t invincible, even if they were skilled and proficient with their natural abilities and talents. You could still die by taking too much damage, just as you could respawn if someone wears you in your dormant form; Hosting you until you no longer need to feed off of their energy. 

That’s what Neoã was doing- _Hosting his dead kin._ He didn’t understand them anymore, or recognize their names, but he knew they were his reasons for being weak in the knees and always so tired. They were the reason he was internally seething at every little inconvenience, hating the way it festered in his gut and how dark it made his thoughts become.

He shook his head lightly to himself, glancing back at the counter in a mute confusion, feeling a strong surge of what he could only describe as curiosity from the human ordering food; But it had a more.. Distrusting undertone. It wasn’t all friendly, but it wasn’t exactly made of ill-intent either. 

It wasn’t potent, per say, but it sure as hell could be felt if you knew what nen and aura was. Copper-Wire Shifters were parasitic by nature, no matter what other category they would be classified as.. They’d become parasites as soon as they shatter apart to leave behind their dormant form; Which is what becomes their physique until they can get enough energy to ‘pop’ back into reality.

Whatever jewelry piece you leave behind with your splintered and shattered ores, that was the accessory your parents had created for you when you were born, or at least that is what Neoã remembered.

It had been awhile since he recalled anything about his kin, let alone think back to the education he had learned three years ago. After all, what was the point? By the looks of it, he had twenty-three of his relatives living off of him, and hadn’t seen anyone else for quite some time now. 

It was like he was the lady one that was up and breathing, walking around with humans even when he wanted to sleep and rest for years on end. He hadn’t seen his mother or father since the people raided his home, nor had he seen any Kurta remain in the rubble when he returned to that province a year or so ago. 

No one was there, and he had scavenged around in the remains of the village for any signs of life; But he found nothing. He had cried for a long time after that, if his memory wasn’t deceiving him, but he didn’t recall much else outside of that agonizing experience. 

He hadn’t found any of his relatives either, not a single ring or necklace- Not any bracelets or earrings, no one in sight or in his presence willing to be found. It was empty and destroyed, and had been far too long for him to try and search for anyone's aura. 

So, he had grieved for a few months there, then went off again after leaving offerings of gold coins and so much liquid silver he felt as if he sucked out all of his blood in one go. 

Was it worth it?

_Absolutely._

He didn’t understand why people wanted more than what they had, though he did understand that they needed freedom and trust or they’d become restless and rather.. Merciless, to a standard. 

Neoã knew that much, but it was mostly due to observing the people he ran into when he wandered through cities mindlessly. His mind was impulsive, resulting in him jumping headfirst into most things. Of course, there were still times when he couldn’t bring himself to act in such a manner; Which only frustrated him. 

He shouldn’t give a fuck on the risks he takes, because without a master he was as good as dead. Hell, without someone to tell him how to live and what to do was exhausting to try and put up with. His freedom was something he hated, more than his own body, the parasites or even his emotions. 

Freedom just wasn’t for him. 

Leaving his thoughts behind again for another time where he could be alone and cry, he glanced back at his food, which was growing cold with each passing minute. When he was about to reach for it, the voice returned to hiss at him; Nasty words filling his eardrums. He sighed quietly, continuing to stare at the window instead. 

It looked like it was raining again, but he couldn’t really tell. Perhaps that was his tears blurring his vision.. Knowing him, it probably was. Correction; It most definitely was. 

He reached up to his eyes, holding them shut for a while and then smudging away the liquid that had decided to form in his tear ducts and spill out of his sockets. One of the few things that looked human were tears, but if you cried for too long it’d turn into a liquid metal.

Neoã wasn’t too sure what type of metal it’d be, but knowing himself, it’d probably being gold or something rather stupid and common for a Copper-Wire to produce when sad. 

When he was confident the tears were gone, he forced away all of the negativity clouding his mind and instead reached for his milk-tea, gripping the glass it was in and staring at the creamy brown color. The scent was sweet, and he knew it tasted sugary and filling from earlier, when he had drunk it without dealing with the voices yelling at him. 

Taking a sip, he forced the liquid to bathe his tongue again, trying to enjoy the taste without having to gag at the sheer audacity the parasites had to yell at him- And yet, he wasn’t too sure it was even his dead kin screaming at him. For all he knew, it was actually himself yelling at his consciousness. 

How fucking annoying.

Hearing the gentle chatter of the shop owner and the taller human who had just arrived, he felt his heart settle back down from its previous hatred-filled rhythmic beating. It was always like this, he’d feel like shit; And his body would copy those emotions and deteriorate his health to match. 

The Copper-Wire Shifter held his cup in silence, thinking about what he was going to do next. He hadn’t reached his goal of eating ramen, but it was unlikely that he’d be able to due to his subconscious and voices’ harsh words. His digital goal had been around thirty three bowls, but he had only managed to consume eighteen and a half. 

The poor shop owner probably had a seizure after he got to his sixth bowl, and then continued to surpass expectations and got to his fifteenth. It was almost concerning, but he seemed to play it off as a ‘big appetite’ rather than anything else. 

Shocking as to why the human believed him, though.

He heard a hum, one that was almost playful and yet still serious enough to pass off as a vocal noise of curiosity. Neoã looked up from where he was staring at the booth’s seat on the opposite side of the table he was at, glancing to where the noise originated from. 

His lapis-hued gaze met the human’s, which was a yellow-gold color. It nearly caused the Copper-Wire shifter to spit out his drink, the alarming shade being rather bright for a human. Instead, Neoã didn’t look away for a few moments, trying to decipher the other’s aura without being suspicious or disheartening. 

For several minutes, he felt an excoriating weight hit him in the gut, but he easily ignored it with a respectful dip of his head. His head bowed down submissively, just enough to show a polite facade, before he averted his gaze and continued to stare into milk-tea. 

_Humans are so weird.. How does anyone acquire such bright colored eyes? They’re not easy to be born with, right? Odd. Perhaps I should see what I can find in a public library.._

He shook his head, taking the drink and sipping it. The liquid trickled down his throat at an excruciatingly slow pace, but he didn’t mind it all that much. Why would he? It’s his own fault for not being able to ignore the voices in the back of his mind, let alone be able to eat without having to stop due to his own self-pity. 

“ _Culnaxelist._ ” A voice spoke up, the singular word making the Copper-Wire Shifter who was sitting nearly choke. 

_Culnaxelist._

_Culnaxelist._

_Culnaxelist._

_**Culnaxelist.** _

Neoã’s eyes widened, and he snapped his head up, pupils flickering briefly while he struggled to set his drink down. The word echoed in his head, causing his gears to churn and cause his own thought process to shatter into tiny splinters that would only come back to haunt him later. 

He rapidly turned his head to the person who spoke the word, unable to blink. He felt as if he was suffocating, but it wasn’t as if he could die to such a thing. Rather, he felt that overwhelming pressure in his gut, on his shoulders and pressing against his skull. 

The person who had stated the word so easily and yet so slickly stood a few feet away, watching him with keen yellow-gold eyes. The one from earlier; And the only person in the shop who wasn’t the person in the back, fixing up orders of food that the human had just ordered. 

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why say that out loud so calmly?_

He swallowed thickly, not breaking his gaze away even with the burning pain that filled his mind. It wasn’t his fault for knowing the terms used to describe his kind- It wasn’t even the human’s fault for knowing how to grab his attention.

What ticked him off the most was how the human knew.

Neoã’s mouth went dry, much to the disapproving fact that he had milk-tea stuck on his tongue and dripping down his throat like tree-sap on a trunk, trickling down the bark coolly and collectively. It was wet and was so fucking good, but he felt sick in his own skin again.

He conquered the voices that told him to stop being selfish; Only to be hit and crushed down again by a random human with alarming bright colored eyes and a piteous yet cunning smile upon his lips. 

_How did he.. Why say that to me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might be shorter? Thank you for reading, I’m trying to get the draft to at least 2k words. (This one is nearly 4k, but I think it’s about 3,700 words total.)
> 
> Guess who failed their math benchmark lol-


	4. Milk Tea (Part III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neoã was always submissive, after all, it was in his nature. His obedience and loyalty were highly desired, just as his whole entire worth was determined on what he would do to please a person. 
> 
> But what would he do to cease his own curiosity? What could he do, especially if he could barely even get words out in order to communicate to a human who knew how to get under his skin and past all of his defenses?
> 
> What was he to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neoã uses “He/Him” pronouns in this chapter. (Thanks for waiting for this update!)
> 
> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Death, Brief Eating Issues(?), Emotional Damage, Unintentional Self-Destruction, MENTION Of Cannibalism.._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.
> 
> (Copper-Wire Shifters are a cannibalistic species, and the traits are mentioned here.)

Neoã was uneasy, but he didn’t dare say anything that might piss off the human. Copper-Wire Shifters were stupid like that, being submissive if they felt the tiniest bit threatened; Only to then become borderline psychotic and kill the provoking party. 

_Kill or be killed._

That’s how he remembered his kin acting to one another, attacking at the slightest insult only to be buddy-buddy with each other the next minute. They’d rip each other’s arms off, kick their jaws out of place and crack their ribs into shattered tapestries yet to be displayed in art galleries.

They would only stop when a Kurta member were to tell them to stop, to try and convince them that acting upon violence on their own relatives wouldn’t solve anything. And for quite some time, most of his family listened. He knew they did, he remembered the fuzzy outlines of human’s leading him and his older sisters away from the teenagers who kept biting at one another’s throats. 

As a Copper-Wire, you listened to your master. You obeyed their commands, for as long as they were alive, your free will belonged to them. That was how it worked; So it was only natural that he himself felt compelled to follow those same guidelines. 

_Obey or be killed._

Your life purpose was to serve until you could no longer breathe, until your body was shattered and breaking apart at every little movement you made. You give your life to a human, you give up your choices and allow them all to be made for you. 

That was the normal- That was what happened.

You became tame, you refused to attack until told to do so. You didn’t bat an eye, refused to tell what was right from wrong. Your morals? They’d be disregarded, too. If you were bold enough to desire a leader, you were bold enough and clearly strong enough to live without the constant urge of, ‘This is right, this is wrong’. 

He swallowed, eyes dilating yet again as he tried to match the man’s aura. It was loud and booming, but it was collected enough to stay attached to his limbs, rather than exploding like a fire reaching dry grass and sparking up in deep red and orange flames. 

That’s why he didn’t do anything when the human smiled at him, pointing at the seat across from him as if to inquire if he could sit there. 

Neoã couldn’t do anything to react.

— — —

“So you are a Copper-Wire Shifter, hm?” The man said thoughtfully.

Neoã resisted the urge to get up and throw himself out the window, managing to nod once in both reluctance and caution. He didn’t know this person, didn’t know their name, life or interests. He didn’t know them at all. 

“Do you have a name?” He asked cheerfully, tilting his head at the younger party; Who merely blinked in alarm for a few seconds. 

Slowly, he responded, almost painfully. “Neoã Culn-..”

“Short for Culnaxelist?” The other asked, earning a sharp and somewhat exclamation that was surprising for both the Copper-Wire and human.

“ _No!_ ” The twelve-year old snapped, defiance and sudden resentment filling his lapis colored eyes. It burned brightly, wearing itself into his pupils and forever leaving the impression of a revolting reaction to such a word.

His aura shifted into one of obliteration, screaming and hissing. It withered around his limbs, clinging to his form and shrieking in pure lust for violence. It was strong and potent, overwhelmingly toxic for those who could see and sense it- Let alone have it directed towards them.

Then, he winced at his own tone. He lowered his head slightly, mumbling softly as the fiery hate disappeared from his gaze, the bloodlust to ravage and reign hell upon the human and his comrades leaving his system as well. “Just _Culn._ ”

It was silent, but not the satisfactory kind. The music that was quietly playing was stacticky and nearly inaudible, the background noise of celery being chopped playing over and over in the back of his mind. It was the type of noise that made you feel small and puny, but one that enraged your inner turmoil if listened too long enough.

He glanced away from his cold ramen, scowling lightly to himself. He felt _bitter,_ bitter and uncomfortable. But, he shoved the emotion aside in favor of forgetting about his issues and mental problems. The idea of being cruel and unjust didn’t sit right with him, and it certainly didn’t help his desire for tranquilly.

Neoã swallowed his fears, forcing an apology out of his mouth and allowing it to drip past his lips and off of his chin. His words weren’t genuine, but they weren't fake either. “I apologize.. What do I call you, then?” 

As if his apology was a shock factor, the human seemed to snap out of whatever thoughts had occupied them moments before during the Copper-Wire’s original outburst. His yellow eyes were glazed over with an unknown and unrecognizable emotion, one Neoã didn’t know or remember ever experiencing. 

So he did his best to ignore it instead.

The human smiled, somewhat cockily, eyes flickering back to their confident and yet blank expression that he used to wear before stating the word that sent the child into an internal spiraling frenzy. 

He introduced himself humbly, “Hisoka Morrow at your service.” 

“Ah.. N-.. Nice to meet you, then; Morow-San.” The Copper-Wire said, dipping his head. His previous aura was now back to one of a subservient dog, quiet and barely strong enough to kill as much as a grass-hopper. 

“Hm? What’s with the formalities?”

The other party didn’t know exactly how to reply to such a response, instead choosing to block numbly. “Er, it’s.. Polite. Isn’t everyone like that..?” 

It went quiet. 

Morow was silent for a little, before he laughed lightly at the other’s response. It nearly startled Neoã into jolting, but he managed to just show surprise on his face. “You really are odd, aren’t you? How entertaining,” 

“Ah.. I guess so. I’ve heard that before, several times; Actually.” The Copper-Wire said daintfully, blinking once and giving a small and rather peaceful smile. He didn’t know why he was being as polite as he was, but it would be unlike him to be aggressive for no reason. 

“Haha, I would assume so. You act too formal and anxious, like a servant if I ever saw one myself. Where is your free-will? I thought your kind was wildly spirited when alone.” He said, his tone nearly curious. 

Neoã paused, thinking for a moment. 

Memories flashed through his head, some of a boy picking ripe and sweet-looking fruit from a large tree; Some of a younger Copper-Wire Shifter smiling boldly while standing on top of a large boulder and others fill of a large gust of wind that blew dandelions into the vast azure-blue skies. 

It was nice to lavish in the idle consciousness for a brief time, but he felt the naher of his undead kin and quickly excused himself from those cheerful and soothing thoughts. 

His tone was dry and almost dense, but it didn’t have malice.

“I don’t understand what you mean by _free will._ My will belongs to my master, and they are to decide what I am to do with my life. I don’t understand your words, nor do I want.. Want to. The idea of freedom isn’t the same as what I.. I want, let alone what I can actually participate in.” 

Neoã said slowly, narrowing his gaze at the male, who merely smiled at him after pondering his words for a few moments. 

The Copper-Wire Shifter was unnerved at how calm and yet daring the human could be, but it wasn’t as bad as the screaming in his head or the constant exhaustion he felt under his skin and in his head. He was just a bit uncomfortable with the aura the other life form produced, really.

Nothing else.

“Who is stopping you, then?” Morow inquired, somewhat cheerfully. “Your nen? Friends? Ohh, wait; A lover, perhaps?” He smiled playfully at the younger life form.

Neoã froze, trying to process the words. 

The Copper-Wire Shifter then blinked rapidly, shaking his head in denial. The tips of his ears burned red, hating implications of companionship that was twisted into something humans called love or attraction for another. “No- Nothing like that, Morow-San.. Nothin’ like that, no.. No.”

Morow chuckled, almost as if he had expected such a reaction. He probably had, going off of the male’s personality. 

How unfair.

“It’s really.. No one. No one is stopping me. It’s.. I don’t know, uh, hm.. Instinct,” He finally said, huffing. _It is instinct.. I hate it sometimes, too. I can’t speak to anyone without failing miserably, it’s almost self-degrading._

“Sounds trivial!” The pinkish-red haired human said giddily, giving another close-eyed smile to the younger party. His aura flared out again, and Neoã had a sneaking suspicion it was on purpose. 

“Maybe.. Kinda?”

“Hm, yes, it is. I forgot that your kind stutters over clear factors in reality.. It’s almost refreshing compared to all the other people I interact with.” The adult said with a dissatisfied hum, though it held no malice; Something the younger party was rather grateful about.

“I.. I see.” He muttered, squinting at the adult. Then, his eyes lit up. “Have you met any.. Uh; Any others, then? I haven’t seen any of my kin in several years- There was this.. This _incident_ , that ripped it all apart. Please tell me; Have you seen any others?”

Morow paused, slowly blinking at him. It was as if he was testing the twelve year old’s patience, allowing a small smirk to form on his face as he hummed again. His tone was both daring and somewhat assertive, but it was more teasing than anything else. “I don’t know, have I? Let’s see,”

The Copper-Wire Shifter resisted the urge to frown, instead eagerly waiting. He gripped his drink in his hand, subconsciously lashing his tail to indicate impatient enough- Though his abilities prevented his metallic limb from being seen by the naked eye. 

“Hm, no; I can’t say that I have.”

Neoã deflated slightly, before shaking his head and quickly offending his thanks, not minding the disappointment that pooled on his gut. “Ah.. That's okay.. Thank you for trying. It means a lot.”

“I’m sure it does!” Morow responded, waving one hand. His yellow eyes narrowed, and he tapped his other hand on the table. His nails were rather long, Neoã noted. Despite the odd choice of clothing compared to the rest of humankind; He kinda liked the diversity. _Kinda._

“If I were to have ever met another one of you, I would’ve gladly kept them by my side. I’ve heard the rumors surrounding you, after all. Loyal little puppies if treated right, hm?” Without much thought, the human had reached over to poke the younger party on the nose.

_What-?_

_Why?_

_When.. I don’t get it._

He blinked, thinking to himself for a millisecond. Then he shrugged, giving a small shake of his head at the contact to his face. He hadn’t interacted with others in a long time, it was a struggle to talk as it was- Let alone giving physical contact with someone. “Most of us.. Yes, that’s what we.. Well, _do._ It’s what we do.” 

“How odd. Where is your master, then?”

“I.. I can’t say.” He mumbled, slowly shaking his head and offering a small and subservient shrug. His legs kicked the ground absently, swinging lightly under the table, but not enough to brush the human’s pantlegs. 

His master..

He didn’t know.

_He didn’t know._

“Aw, don’t be such a downplayer. It’s so boring to think someone like you, alive and well, would try and pass up on a friendly conversation and sparring. Rather saddening, really.” The man sighed airily, rolling his eyes at his own statement, though his gaze traveled back to watch the reaction of the twelve year old. 

“Sparring..?” Neoã muttered, confused. Then, again, he got another sample of Morow’s aura. He flinched, unable to suppress the wrenching feeling in his gut that echoed loudly in his mind.

It begged him to turn-tail and flee, run and hide. 

“Yes; Your kind is supposedly hard to kill and defeat once aggravated, so I have possessed a desire to fight one of you if I were to ever come across your species.. What a shame to think they’ve been killed,” Morow said blatantly, sighing again. “To think your kind had just been in hiding..”

“I mean-.. We were, for awhile.. A bit, yes.” The Copper-Wire mumbled, wincing slightly at the memory. “Or my kin had, I don’t.. I’m unsure; Er, about others- I mean. Otherkin, other groups of us. We split up apparently, a long time ago.. My relatives were with a group of.. Uh, people. They’re slaughtered, too. I don’t know.”

The human tilted his head lightly, something flashing in his eyes before another smile displayed itself on his face. “Was yours also killed, then?”

“Ah? No- No. _Never._ ” Neoã couldn’t stop the snappish tone from appearing in his voice, shoulders tending and tail hitting itself against the seat cushion. His abilities prevented the naked eye from seeing his horns and tails, and some of his clearly non-human traits, but it still meant he himself could see them and feel their existence. 

By the looks of it, Morow could see right through his ability.

What a fucking mess.

“So you are separated? How unlucky,” He hummed, earning a small scowl from the other party. The human didn’t seem too offended by it, dismissing the reaction rather smoothly. “That must be a tedious thing for you.” 

“Er, yeah.. That’s how it-.. Kinda.” The other life-form muttered, trying to place the words. Of course, he still failed, but at least he even bothered to try. “I’m searching for them, and my kin.. Uh, but you already pieced that togethe’.. S-So..” 

He shrugged rather absently, exhaling. “Sorry I can’t offer you my.. Er, l-loyalty, Morow-San; I need permission from the master to do such a thin’.. And they aren’t here. If I had their authority- I’d listen better. S-Sorry, er..” 

Another memory flashed through his mind, a faceless person with their eyes blurred out smiling lightly at him as he waved. They were a kind person, his master. The expression excited and happy, yet still assertive enough to show that he knew what he was doing. 

It was warm and green there, plantlife growing wild as flowers bloomed into ripe fruits; Ready to be harvested and eaten from the baskets. It felt good for a moment, the sweet bliss that filled his system at the thought. 

Then it was ripped away, dark and gloomy with a deep cracking sound of lightning. The rain washed it all away, and he did nothing to prevent such a thing from happening. It struck him down, one minute his master was in front of him- The next the boy he was bound to was gone. 

Neoã shoved the memory away. 

“Hm,” Morow looked thoughtful for a moment, before he smiled rather dismissively. “It’s alright. It’s a pity, but I suppose I can wait. Your bloodlust is quite overflowing though, so I do find it a shame that I can’t fight you just yet. I bet your nen is absolutely outstanding, too.. Oh well,”

Neoã blinked, confusion filling his system. He knew he had nen attached to him, and that everyone was born with it; Just as he knew how to cloak his aura and keep it attached to him.. But he never knew his bloodlust was strong enough to seep past his mind. 

“My.. My _what _?”__

__“Oh?” The human paused, eyes flickering into genuine surprise. “Don’t tell me you’re as unaware as the rest of the people society is made up of?”_ _

__The younger merely blinked, looking perplexed. He knew what nen was, and he knew that all Copper-Wires had what people called ‘Parasitic Nen’, though it wasn’t ever activated until they had a master or a host to latch onto. They fed off energy and emotions, hell, they were even cannibalistic when enraged._ _

__That’s why people gave them the name ‘Culnaxelist’ and other harsh-worded phrases that vaguely described their bloodlust and undying loyalty to serve whomever originally shows them kindness, even if the6 are to only give them a single smile or praise in their lifetime._ _

__But Neoã only ever had one master, and his leader wasn’t dead yet. He hadn’t latched onto that being’s energy for quite some time, but he feared if he were to remember what it was like and how pleasant it felt to be ‘alive’ and fully ‘useful’, he’d surely get lost in the urges to serve and play innocent and naive._ _

__He wanted to be purposeful, but _god_ was it hard. _ _

__“You don’t know you have nen? Oh my,” Morow seemed thoroughly surprised. “That’s.. Now that’s something eventful. Who would’ve thought you weren’t aware of your potential!”_ _

__“Ah- No. I know I have it- I’m aware I have it, at least. But.. It’s not active. I don’t.. Use it, or something. Haven’t used it in a long time, er..” He swallowed, looking away briefly and tilting his head. “My bloodlust.. How- How _bad_ is it?” _ _

__Morow blinked, “ _Bad_?”_ _

__The latter nodded solemnly, somewhat reluctant to admit to his own selfish fears. “I.. I know it’s bad. It’s huge, wide and a vast ignorance on my part- But.. I didn’t know it seeped. Ug, I thought it was just- Just _there._ ” _ _

__He waved one hand in front of him, almost in frustration._ _

__“But I had no idea that it.. Got _everywhere._ The type of everywhere.. That’s, Uhm; Everywhere and everywhere at once. It’s much worse than I let on, but I just..” _ _

__Neoã frowned, as if he was defeated. “I thought I had it _under_ control,”_ _

__“Oh wow, you really must think it’s a bad thing.” The adult said, sounding rather perplexed. Though, in his voice there were tiny hints of a mixed boredom and amusement._ _

__The younger tried to ignore the empty feeling in his gut, shame curling in his stomachs at the dismissive tone that Morow had taken on. His expression hadn’t been subtle enough, though, because the man allowed a small smile; One of apologies, to sketch onto his face again._ _

__“Well, Culn, it’s not bad.” He cleared his throat, eyes narrowing briefly into a sly and cunning outlook. It made Neoã’s body tense up, lungs clenching and heart slowly to a singular beat._ _

__“In fact, I’d say it’s quite the opposite for a being like _you._ ”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha.. Happy New Years!! I hope everyone is well?
> 
> I know this chapter is rather.. well, it is pointless but I’m not gonna say that directly! (lol) Uhm, basically the next chapter is either going to be roughly 2k words, or over 3k words, no in between.
> 
> Have a good year, see you next update! Any questions on Copper-Wire Shifters? Ask, I’ll see if I can respond with an answer without spoiling too much. 
> 
> I’m writing a separate chapter that is a complete overlook of Copper-Wire Shifters, with behaviors, diets, appearances, nen abilities and classifications all being checked over. Same with what types of metal they can be born with, and how they can even reproduce in the first place. 
> 
> They’re humanoid creatures, but _far_ from being fully human. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, see you next time!


	5. Milk Tea (Part IV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neoã hadn’t expected to do half of the shit they did.. But here they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neoã used “They/Them” Pronouns in this chapter.
> 
> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence (Gore + Blood), Murder, Emotional Damage, Unintentional Self-Harm, Brief Mention Of Abuse, Human-Consumption (Cannibalism?).._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.
> 
> (Neoã eats and kills a person- Technically, I want to list that as cannibalism? Copper-Wires are closely related to humans, but aren’t the same species.)

It was never Neoã’s intention to get wrapped up with another human who knew what and _how_ to use nen, but that’s what they found themselves doing. It wasn’t their ideal situation, but by no means did they resort to trying to leave.

Of course, at the time, leaving seemed far too rude to be a fair and understandable response to talking about their species and abilities as a Copper-Wire Shifter; But it’s not as if they’d ever admit to such a thing. No, they had no free will. To say such things wouldn’t exactly be the most..

Probable.

Hisoka Morow didn’t seem to have any ill intent towards them at the time, but they still ended up feeling like they were on display. Display to the world, as if they had no other meanings to give. Like freshly poured champagne in one of those fancy chalices; About to be drunk as the fuzz bubbled expectantly.

It wasn’t the most pleasurable feeling, though they no longer hated such a comparison. After all, for as long as a Copper-Wire could be used in formidable practices and prove useful to their masters, no one would bat an eye.

It’s one of the few things Neoã still had trouble understanding, but not nearly as much as their instincts to kill and feed upon anything that moved. The world they lived in was cruel and forced them to oblige by unhealthy standards made by humans and other species that were high in the hierarchy; But it still hurt sometimes. 

The Copper-Wire paused, adjusting the hem of their shorts and brushing off the dust that might’ve gotten pressed into the blue-grey colored fabric. They had left the diner around two hours ago, after Morow had left. The man had given them a small card, one that apparently had a ‘number’ on it.

Something along the lines of a phone, a number that Neoã could call if they ever had the desire to reach out. Apparently Morow had really been looking forward to fighting a Copper-Wire, and even though the creature had refused the offer to spar ‘playfully’, it’s not as if Neoã denied the possibility.

Rather, they had only said they couldn’t do so without their master’s permission. Which was a true statement, seeing as they felt sick as it was. To walk around so mindlessly, to not have a purported due to not having anyone to guide them through their decisions and order them about. 

That’s why Morow had left the card instead, insisting that as soon as they got ahold of their long-lost master, that they get in contact with him and agree to a fight. And even though Neoã feels pressured to do so, they don’t exactly.. Mind it, really.

In fact, it’s almost soothing. They recognize what it’s like to be pressured and forced into things, though such an emotion normally never got wrapped up in being forced to fight humans solely for the purpose of a _show of power._ That type of thing.. They didn’t fully understand the concept of sharing and flaunting abilities in order to determine who was stronger. 

Power could be exchanged in order for respect or money, status and even hierarchy. Neoã knew that much, though it was also because they hosted deceased relatives who were trying to eat away at each other’s flesh and sanity, including themself as the host. 

It was a true statement, something that the younger Copper-Wire found mildly infuriating. Though, against their better judgement, being the host of the twenty three family members they had failed to protect wasn’t the issue that they dealt with. In fact, it was the issue that came with the lack of _protection_ and _honesty._

Their controllability was absurd and affected the way Neoã functioned, resulting in injury more often than not. And even though this was the price they paid, it was also the reason they had precisely begun to start dodging away from resting properly. For every dream they experience, it grows into a nightmare.

For every laugh that fills their lungs, it turns into cries filled with sadness and remorse; Things that not even they knew how to properly handle and fix. It had started to make them delusional, mostly because when the voices of their kin were mad, they felt sick and became weak in the knees to tolerate such waves of emotion. 

Anger and regret were quite prominent in their instincts, filling them with a groggy vision and washing over their entire existence like they and fallen back into a river; Being pulled under by the darkest currents and more turmoil filled souls yet to be given a chance of redemption. 

They sighed airily, pushing their useless thoughts away in favor of ignoring their violent actions. Perhaps if they had pacifist-like triggers and instincts, they wouldn’t be in the situation they were in now. Maybe if they had chosen to stay and protect their master, they wouldn’t have thrown themselves directly at a raider and tried to bite their arm off like a fucking piranha.

It was now nighttime, a current situation that Neoã was starting to despise. They didn’t exactly know why, seeing as they never had an issue with the dark before.. But perhaps it was because they never had been so; Eh, they didn’t know, _what was the word,_ ruffled or startled by another person’s existence before.

The Copper-Wire Shifter blinked their eyes, resisting the sudden urge to yawn or turn back around and go to the diner. They knew that the owner that ran apt he shop would probably happily welcome them back inside, but it still felt a bit wrong of them to rely on a stranger for shelter and food. If anything, Neoã should kill and hunt and cook things on their own-

Not.. Turn to another, like that person was their master. A stranger was a stranger, not the boy that they used to serve like it was a religion. Perhaps compared to other worships, it was.

Who knew, really?

Humans interpreted Copper-Wire Shifters’ behavioral traits and regarded them with mild fear and yet, never has humanity ever tried to approach the, without the intent to use their powers and abilities to bring wealth to the people who followed the human brave enough to ‘ask’ of a Culnaxelist’s loyalty. 

The worst part was the fact Neoã knew no Copper-Wire would ever refuse to assist or show strength to a human, as they were always loyal to the species of mankind. They could never decide their fate, for they couldn’t ignore a person’s demands and unsolved qualms. They always needed to show their loyalty to a _host_ of some sort.

Against all better judgement, you were a pawn waiting in line for your turn to play with the kings and queens of the chess of life; Awaiting a new course of action to be ordered at you, engraved into your mind and forced down your throat like it wasn’t already appreciated and reciprocated as a direct command. 

It wasn’t something that they thought about often, how strange their kind actually was. Hell, it’s not like Neoã had any issue with obeying others, in fact, it was and always would be a relief to do so. It took the pressure off of their shoulders and placed it onto someone else’s, which gave the poor twelve year old a chance to process the information around them.

That was.. Just how it worked. 

They’d never seen anything wrong with it, not once in their life did they have any form of discomfort over such a thing. But the words of one human that knew how to irk them had resulted in their mind clouding up and body shutting down on itself. It made the voices of Neoã’s deceased relatives upset, and ate his muscles up alive. 

_Is this the feeling of self-doubt?_ Neoã swallowed thickly, quickly picking up their feet and walking faster down the sidewalk. Their mind clouded over with emotionless stares and dead-beat faces of their non-active siblings and kin; Who now watched their every move with a sickening precaution.

Waiting for them to mess up as a host. 

_I don’t like it._ They decided, albeit numbly. The sweet state of milk tea on their tongue, in the back of their throat, died off; Leaving behind the sour and almost bitter flavor of tapioca and dairy. _I don’t like it at all._

— — — 

Perhaps what Neoã currently was doing wasn’t the most.. _Responsible._ Hiding in an alleyway, tail wrapped tightly around another human and pulling the boy close to their side, _yeah.._ This wasn’t an ideal situation by any means. 

In all honesty, neither had been attacking a human out of sudden anger for the bastard having the audacity to threaten his wife in public and dragging his already-cooling body in an alley, out of other people's eyes and into the darkness where the Copper-Wire could eat and rip apart the flesh like the cannibalistic-being they were-

But here they were, blood on their hands and in between their teeth; Shoulders twitching and heart beating rapidly. Their eyes stayed dilated as they tightened their hold on the kid who stumbled upon them eating a human corpse. It was, well, just a bad look. 

They didn’t mean to be disruptive, or cruel, or violent and kill a human who probably meant no harm to his wife.. But the woman had looked so scared when he had muttered about hitting her for her ‘idiocy’, Neoã couldn’t have just ignored the blunt and blatant disrespect shown to the female. 

So, when the pair turned the corner down the marketplace; Neoã had stabbed the guy in the nape with their tail and chucked their body down another street; Forcing their skin to change color on order to match the surrounding area, and then walking away and following the smeared blood that then covered the concrete. 

The man had no time to scream, no time to react. The Copper-Wire Shifter hadn’t given that form of mercy, their mind clogged up with sudden hunger and a strong type of hate that was fueled by their dead family.

When the wife of the man had screamed at the sudden disappearance and ear-sickening _crack_ that had gone out, as did her husband’s body go missing, Neoã had felt a twinge of pity. But, they didn’t care, nor did they stop dragging the corpse deep into the shadows and kneeling down to grab at the human’s arm and tug at it, testing its stretchability. 

And that was how they were currently in a predicament, nearly suffocating an innocent kid for stumbling upon them eating a human’s bloody and still freshly murdered body. Their tongue was full of the coppery taste of blood, and there were bits and pieces of flesh stuck between their teeth. 

Their eyes were dilated, unmoving as they stared intently into the kid’s icy blue eyes as if the gaze the male possessed was as cold as the finest and freshest snow in winter. That his gaze mocked their’s, eating away at Neoã’s resolve and daring them to do something further than silence his words and prevent him from leaving or calling out.

The human looked calm, a bit startled, but for the most part he seemed unaffected for the situation he was currently in. There were traces of surprise and a bit of curiosity in his eyes, but not fear or even hate. 

In truth, the closest thing to ‘fear’ that he had within his expression would have to be his disgust, eyes off handedly staring at the other human’s corpse that was being squished into the pavement by Neoã’s foot, the Copper-Wire Shifter feeling the cooling liquid slowly start to stick and dry to the bottoms of their feet.

It was rather uncomfortable, but at this point the twelve year old couldn’t do much about it. Instead, the white haired being slowly swallowed; Eyes flashing sudden apologies and something that most humans would have to call embarrassment. 

Their tone was quiet when they spoke, soft but strained in a way that would concern the general medical-professional. “Er.. Sorry, for.. For doing _that._ ”

They glanced at the corpse and winced. After a moment, they swallowed again and forced themselves to step off the half-eaten and clearly mutilated body, choosing to set the human down slowly onto the concrete of the alleyway. 

But, Neoã didn’t unwrap their tail. 

There was a whisper in the back of their mind, cheering them in to quickly kill the child and eat his body alongside the man’s who was already dead; But the host couldn’t bring themself to harm the human. 

_A human kid._

“So s-sorry.. Must’ve hurt,” They mumbled, their tail loosening a little bit, but still tightly curled around the kid’s lower half of his face, muffling his words. Neoã blinked when he felt the tiny vibrations of his muttering, his nose wrinkling up in heavy distaste for the living and moving copper that was pressed up against his lips. 

Despite such a thing- The kid couldn’t see his nen, couldn’t see his tail or horns; Only _feel_ that something was restricting his movement and preventing him from talking or breathing too much. 

It was invisible to the naked eye.

“Oh.” The gender-ambiguous creature said, blinking a few times and then solemnly bowing their head. Awkwardly, they wrung their hands into their blood splattered shirt allowing their tail to gently slip away from the male’s mouth and loosen around his torso completely.

The human coughed, inhaling quickly and blinking his eyes in something similar to pettiness. He glared at Neoã, to which the Copper-Wire flinched, unable to keep up with the child’s harsh ended stare.

But, as soon as the glower had appeared; It was gone again. Instead, the kid stared for a few moments before huffing, somewhat indignantly. 

“Finally!” His voice was crisp, if you could describe tones and vocal frequencies as such. The kid scowled, but it wasn’t exactly directed towards the slightly taller creature that had murdered and ate a person; No sir. In fact, it was actually a general scowl, as if he was cruising the universe rather than the guilty and tired looking person who had him held ‘hostage’. 

“You took forever to notice I’d been following you! I thought you had gone blind _and_ deaf!” He paused, then shook his head again, blue eyes having lit up in exasperated amusement, “And everything else! I thought your kind was supposed to be skilled n’ stuff?”

“My k-kind? Skilled-?” Neoã stuttered, eyes widening further. They sucked in a sharp breath, feeling their world shatter for what felt like the hundredth time that week. _Do you know what I am, then? Do I not get a break? A choice to hide from people anymore?_

The boy froze, and then he furrowed his brows. He was about to say something, but Neoã already pieced everything together. _Copper-Wire Shifters. My kind, my skills, my abilities- Does.. Does the kid just goes off of the knowledge taught in his family?_

“Ah.” They made a small squeak, eyes softening into exhaustion. “I don’t know.”

Their mind hissed at them in aggression, the voices banding together in favor for devouring the child. Their reasoning? _Human kids are packed with nutrients; And are good for developing bones._

The fuck?

“Eh? What do you mean, ‘You don’t know’?” The kid sputtered, eyes wide. He actually looked surprised at their response, but his expression didn’t dwell upon their words for too long. “You are, like, the strongest non-human thing in existence when mad and filled up with proper meals!”

“I- Yes.. That’s just- No, maybe. I’m sorry. I didn’t expect a person to- Wait,” Neoã felt their head spin, mind blacking out for a few seconds. “How do you.. How would you know? When..?”

“I was taught how.” He said dully, as if it wasn’t a big deal. Perhaps to the human, it wasn’t. Perhaps it was a common thing within his family; Like how Copper-Wire Shifters were cannibalistic by nature, to which humans were rarely seen eating one another solely because they could. If they are each other, it was always about desperation. 

“With nen?” Neoã mumbled, almost as if they had just been defeated in war. 

“What?” The white-haired kid asked; Brows arching in confusion. The expression that now plagued his face was full of sudden curiosity and mild frustration, but mostly it was of a disbelieving look. “What the hell is nen?”

They stared at each other. 

The Copper-Wire looked like they were on the verge of crying, which in truth, it wouldn’t be surprising if they were to break down right then and there. It would’ve been a probable reason, but instead they found themself lowering their body to the ground, stumbling a bit as their knees hit the cold and sticky pool of blood that had formed underneath the man they had killed. 

Neoã sucked in a sharp breath, tail curling close and coiling up against the blood-soaked ground. The kid, who was now fully released from the older’s grasps, stared in a mild confusion at how strained the creature looked on the ground. Their knees were beginning to get stoned with blood, the coppery-gold shine upon their skin barely prominent to the common passerby.

It scared them; The way this boy knew what they were and knew that they weren’t a human. The way that this one kid knew Neoã wasn’t a normal person, would never be a person of society. That this one kid wasn’t fazed by death, and that they carried the aura of lost-grief; A sickly sweet emotion that was known as _longing._

He squatted, the soles of his feet barely touching some of the blood that was besides him. His eyes looked between the ripped open stomach of the man, and then back to the ‘Hunter’ in question. “You kill messily. You know that right?”

The Copper-Wire was sent back to reality, and they nodded numbly. Everything they did was _messy._ Nothing they did was clean enough, or properly completed. They always fucked up- Always. “Yeah, I was mad.” 

“Hm?” He blinked. 

“The man threatened his partner. I didn’t like it.” Neoã spoke up, somewhat scornfully. As if they were hating their actions, but also being prideful of what they had done moments before colliding with the icy eyed person that was now squatting in front of him; Off to the left of the corpse. 

“Oh.” The kid said faintly, furrowing his brows briefly. Then, he grinned rather carelessly. “At least he can’t carry out such a thin’ now; He’s dead. That's better than nothing.”

The realization that Neoã had killed another person struck them hard. They didn’t know why, as they felt no remorse nor regret for killing the human- Or for raving the man’s insides in favor of devouring his liver and intestines. 

But they felt _pity._

“He’s dead.” The Copper-Wire echoed, staring at the body. They glanced at their hands, looking at their nails and eyeing the drying blood underneath the cartilage, the red liquid staining his skin with a darker and more colorful hue. He could see flecks of body fat among the lipid, but didn’t dare to bring his appendages to gnaw at the remains of flesh and skin-tissue that were stuck to his own body. 

The child, who looked slightly exasperated at the way the other being in the alley acted, paused, sounding a bit annoyed at the repeated phrase. “Mhm. You killed him, that’s all. It doesn’t mean anything, ‘cause you’re not a human. Plus! Nothing is stopping you, so it’s okay.”

That, apparently, wasn’t the right thing to say; The boy soon realized. 

Neoã felt tears prick their eyes, the liquid being hot and wet against their blood-splattered cheeks. Their breath got all choked up, and they curled their tail tighter around their legs, the metal screeching in their ears- And yet no one would hear such a noise unless they had the ability to use and work with nen. 

Judging by the oblivious expression that didn’t change on the kid, they knew he didn’t possess nen. The taller one’s mind was tired and felt weak to their own senses, something that wasn’t entirely uncommon but certainly not welcomed within their body. _Of course you don’t.. You didn’t even recognize the word when I spoke of it._

“Kid, just go,” The Copper-Wire Shifter whispered, raising their hands and wiping their eyes, smudging the tears away and replacing the translucent color with sudden smears of red. “Go.. Go get the people who kill my kind, or whatever.. Do what kids do- Stop.. Stayin’ here-e..” 

“My name isn’t ‘Kid’!” The boy said, scowling at them. 

Almost begrudgingly, the human shuffled closer and poked the creature with a hand. His eyes weren’t cruel, but they were annoyed. Unsympathetic, but not hateful. Neoã knew what that type of emotion was; They had experienced it plenty of times before in their childhood when others got hurt and the younger-self of them just stared and watched in silence, unknowing as to what they could do to help. 

“I’m Killua Zoldyck, and I’m not gonna just up and leave!” He snapped, though his eyes hadn’t changed in harmful intent. Rather, this boy’s eyes were still filled with a lingering awe- A lingering emotion the Neoã seemed to only feel when they were seeing something purely unimaginable by the common people.

_Killua Zoldyck._

_Killua Zoldyck._

_Killua Zoldyck._

_Killua Zoldyck._

**Killua Zoldyck.**

“The body will have your DNA on it and stuff, and blah blah blah.. You gotta clean up the mess..” He continued, glancing at the body with a disgruntled look. “I thought Culnaxelists weren’t this messy when domesticated..”

The word bounced around in the other’s head for a moment, and they recoiled upon the pronunciation of such a term. They hated it, hated it _badly._. Said Copper-Wire Shifter didn’t respond, eyes blank of any conception. They looked numb, but deep down the twelve year old was simply borderline crying. 

“Zoldyck-San, it doesn’t m’tter. Go away. Go home.”

“Hah? What part of ‘I’m not gonna just up and leave’ don’t you understand? Do you not get it? You’re so weird.” Killua stiffened, frowning at them again. 

“I’m not weird.” The being said, muffled. They stared at the corpse in front of them, feeling the sticky liquid ooze over their cheeks and flake off of their finger-tips and onto their face. “I’m Neoã Culn. And I just..”

The tealish-white haired creature swallowed, feeling their pupils dilate yet again at the sight of all the blood on the ground.. Seeping further into their clothes and soaking up into the concrete and past the dark and cold soils below. It was making Neoã see things, and it made them forcibly flinch.

The voices in their head didn’t shut up; And even though they knew how to deal with such a thing, that the voices couldn’t truly hurt them and their ready fractured mindset; They couldn’t help but click their tongue and give in to the random muscle spasms that their dead relatives forced upon them. 

“I’m just- Just a Copper-Wire Shifter. Just a Copper-Wire.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — — — — —  
>  **Neoã Culn**
> 
>  _Alias:_ Neoã, Culn, Creature, Copper-Wire Shifter, Livestock, Child  
>  _Age:_ 12  
>  _Gender:_ Unidentified / Unlabeled  
>  _Pronouns:_ (Order of Usage) He/Him, They/Them, She/Her, (Other)  
>  _Race:_ Copper-Wire Shifter  
>  _Height:_ 151cm  
>  _Weight:_ 78 pounds  
>  _Birthday:_ September 16th  
>  _Hair Color:_ Silverish White with teal tips.  
>  _Eye Color:_ Lapis Blue, (Teal When Using Nen)  
>  _Blood Type:_ (Can’t Be Identified)  
>  _State:_ Alive  
>  _Nen Type:_ Unknown
> 
> _Quote:_ “I don’t know what I am doing with my life; But I think I can manage for a few more days. Just a few..”
> 
>  _Favorite Thing:_ “Milk-Tea! Definitely that stuff.. Yeah, I think that is what I like most- Besides the master of course. They can’t be beat by anything else I enjoy, nothing can differ from them.”
> 
> _’Parasites’ Being Hosted (23) :_  
>  — Soli (F)  
> — Clarry (F)  
> — Opalene (F)  
> — Aelish (M)  
> — Eikan (M)  
> — Majakol (M)  
> — Koklu (U)  
> — Balin (M)  
> — Lovathin (F)  
> — Perimix (F)  
> — Tremoore (M)  
> — Xaelixas (M)  
> — Ilander (U)  
> — Yuq (F)  
> — Raccoll (M)  
> — Aeirloom (M)  
> — Polickwi (F)  
> — Noualan (F)  
> — Verinity (F)  
> — Dälee (M)  
> — Faè (F)  
> — Javicier (U)  
> — Hakilant (M)
> 
> — — — — —  
> Notes: 
> 
> Haha.. I forgot to add an updated version of this, so here you go! I’m currently swamped down with a lot of stuff; Sorry for not updating. I’m not the best at keeping to a schedule. The next update might take awhile.. A few months at max, and a couple weeks at least. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! It means a lot, lol. I know this chapter wasn’t as long as I should’ve made it, but I’ll see if I can make the next chapter around 2x longer. Thank you again!


	6. Milk Tea (Part V)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A boy with white hair seems very intent on making Neoã come back with him- But it goes against everything that they have been trying to hold onto without the guidance of their master. If it means anything, would the master have wanted them to feel useful in their absence?
> 
> Or to wait for their eventual reunion?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neoã uses “They/Them” pronouns in this chapter.
> 
> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence (Gore + Blood), Mentions of Murder, Emotional Damage, (Mentions Of Previous Cannibalism), Mentions of Self-Hate, Implications of Abuse (Killua’s Family)..._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.

Currently, Neoã found themself in a dilemma.

Was the dilemma life-threatening? Technically, the answer should’ve been _yes,_ but for some damn reason the Copper-Wire Shifter wasn’t even contemplating their life anymore- Let alone fearing for their ability to live!

It was a fucking joke!

So here they were, quietly sitting on a bench with the boy from earlier. He was rather happy for such a violent kid underneath it all.. Smiling and still rather joyous. Neoã was rather unnerved at first; But who were they to say anything?

They killed a person in cold-blood just because they lost their temper. That shit wasn’t exactly opting for the innocence most people feigned, or giving the creature an excuse to their actions or mental breakdown. In fact, it did quite the opposite- The _exact_ opposite.

Neoã swallowed thickly, hunching their shoulders and staring into the cup of milk-tea they were given. Killua had asked if they liked anything, and of course, being mentally stunted and guilt-ridden at the sudden hindrance that they had caused themselves, and probably the wife of the man they had murdered, they had replied to the boy honestly.

 _I like milk-tea._ Such a simple nod yet backfiring response, something that the cannibalistic being was trying hard to not regret. Of course, they still regretted it, but it had been worth a shot.

Killua hummed, sipping from his own plastic cup; The gentle pop of a tapioca ball being popped making its way to the other party’s ears. It was almost heart shattering, but the gender-ambiguous lifeform knew better than to think the child was loud. So instead, all Neoã did was flinch at the sound, but not as noticeably as they would’ve normally done. 

And yet, the human blinked at them, turning his head and swallowing his own drink with a confused glance at the boba within his cup. “Am I a loud eater or something? What’s with your expression, huh?”

“No.” The Copper-Wire said, lapis eyes widening slightly as their gaze darted to meet Killua’s, icy eyes netting depths of the sea. Churning and brewing into a storm, deceased with panic and hiding anxiety underneath the waves. 

_It’s not you, it’s not you, it’s not you-_ Their mind thrummed, but they couldn’t get the words out fast enough. It was painful to try and talk, as if everything they had been dealing with in the past years of isolation away from their master was finally catching up to them and wishing them a final goodbye.

The taller creature jolted again, head hitting into their shoulder and to the clicking. One of their legs kicked outwards, swinging rather harshly compared to how easily and relaxed the male besides them was moving his own appendages; Ever so lightly and yet as if nothing could harm him.

The muscles spasms Neoã was dealing with hasn’t gone away; And even though they could remember distant things and past experiences of randomly tossing their head or jumping up and down- Or just saying the most random and absurd shit, they didn’t know why they ever did stuff like it.

Perhaps their dead kin was fed up with the way Neoã was living, and decided it was time to make their life a living hell because they were a bad host. 

Maybe it wasn’t, maybe it was. 

_I don’t know,_ They thought glumly, exhausted with all the attacks from their muscles. They couldn’t control or stop them from happening, and in all of their recognition Copper-Wires weren’t supposed to have such issues. _I really don’t know._

“Then what is it?” He asked, sounding as if he was almost whining. “Do you guys have special hearing- Oh wow, I didn’t think of it. That’s cool; If you do, I mean. Makes you more valuable and stuff.” 

“Mm..” The twelve year old said, nodding lightly as if to urge the boy onwards, to continue with his statement. They weren’t really paying attention too much, or focusing a s to what Killua said until they heard him ask for confirmation.

“So it is?” 

It was as if a train had just ran them over three times.

“Ah, Uhm..” They paused, struggling to form words. Their chest felt tight. It hurt, almost as badly as the longing for peace and tranquility; That type of emotion that twisted through your body and forced your entire being to collapse and crumble like a sand castle being broken apart by harsh tides and strong winds. 

Instead, they shook their head rapidly in disagreement, trying to get their point across without having to try and use words and formal apologies. They gripped their cup tightly with their hands, trying to find the sound of their own heart beat or anything to try and latch them to reality-

_Why dies it hurt? Why? Why? Why?_

“Hm?” Killua glanced at them, though Neoã ignored the human’s gaze. But, upon feeling a light and almost cautious poke to the arm, they couldn’t try not to sob. The human reeled his hand back upon the choked exhale; Surprised at the sudden mood swing the other being had.

“Sorry,” Neoã muttered, swallowing all the saliva in their mouth and lowering their head and allowing their hair to fall into their face to hide their expression. “Somethin’ is wrong. I feel ‘ick.”

The silvery-white haired male didn’t reply. Yet again, he cautiously let his hand poke the other’s arm, and then ever so nicely, he patted the Copper-Wire’s appendage as if the action would secure a kind and calming atmosphere between the two of them. 

Surprisingly, and quite alarmingly, it did manage to make Neoã feel less like a burden. How silly; A kid no older than ten being able to calm them down?

“Maybe you aren’t used to killing people?” He suggested lightly, an expression showing he was lost in thoughts. “I think at one point I was like that for a few days, too.”

Neoã swallowed thickly, eyes glazed over with guilt. Their eyes were filled with regret, an overwhelmingly strong regret. “But.. But I _ate_ him. And you watched- I ate _him,_ and you-.. You didn’t do a-anything.”

“You’re not human, that’s different.” Killua said, dubiously.

“But-” The being choked, nearly breaking the plastic cup in their grasp. They squeezed it as tightly as they could without forcing it apart, body tense and shivering all at once. They haven’t eaten a human in several years- Maybe it was just a bad stomach ache?

Perhaps they didn’t direct the man’s intensities into the right stomach. 

“There there,” The boy patted their arm reassuringly, voice airy nod rather neutral for a kid watching another being have a mental breakdown. Of course, maybe that was because Killua wasn’t an average kid. An average kid wouldn’t know the difference between a Copper-Wire in disguise as a human, compared to a real person. 

“You’ll get over it eventually, ya’ know? There’s no rush” He paused, midway through the sentence. The other party stared at him blankly, and he gave a sheepish smile, adjusting his statement, “Actually no, I take that back, there might be a little rush, but that’s perfectly okay! I’ll help you out, ‘cause I’m nice! Y-Yeah, ‘cause I’m nice,”

Neoã, suddenly drained of energy. It was so strange; How they declined on going with Morow, but suddenly went along with whatever this one kid said or dragged them along for. Was that even allowed as a servant to a Kurta member? Sure, their clan was peaceful, but they were dead now and Neoã’s loyalty was still bound and very much earned by a child who was yet to be killed for his eyes. 

“Th’nk you, Zoldyck-San.” They mumbled, feeling the gentle contact of the boy still on their arm as they stared into the plastic stall-vendor cup full of milk tea. His was traitorous of them, to follow the lead of another being.

Perhaps the reason they followed Killua’s lead as of currently was because he didn’t have any nen attached to him that was in active persecution and usage. Perhaps that was the reason they felt under-attack when besides Morow in that ramen shop.

 _What other reason exists? I don’t know,_ They decided mentally, listening to the withering of their dead kin and the violent hissed That echoed in their eardrums unjustly; Loud and annoying just in spite of their sanity. If the voices of their kin wasn’t the source of their muscle spasms and sudden mood swings; The Copper-Wire blamed being away from their master too long.

“Hey hey!~” Killua hummed, gently shaking their arm.

They blinked, turning their head weakly. They didn’t want to be a burden or annoying or anything negative- They just were so _tired._ Tired and sad and guilty and miserable and anxious to the point it hurt. “Yes?”

“It’s Killua.” The kid said confidently, eyes glowing. “Just Killua.”

After a moment, they nodded. They spoke quietly, voice soft and featherlight as if the spike any louder they’d cause all hell to break loose in the nearby proximity of the bench the two of them were sitting on. “Okay, Killua. I must inform you I already have a master, though. I can’t be your Copper-Wire, I’m sorry. I-.. I’m sorry, really.”

“Ohhh,” The boy said, as if something had clicked within his brain. He reviewed his gentle contact with the Copper-Wire Shifter’s arm, instead letting his free hand ‘politely’ take a hold of Neoã’s chin, turning it towards him to stare into their deep blue eyes. 

Then, he grinned childishly, “No wonder! I thought you were just reserved n’ stuff! Hahah, where are they? What are you doing all alone? People who know what you are would gladly take you home and try and make you their slave, ya’ know that right? Please tell me you know that-”

“What about you? You’re alone. Younger than me, too,” The nen-user deflected, blinking rapidly. Their chest hurt again, panic bubbling up their throat at an accelerating rate. “Where’s your kin?”

_Why are you all alone?_

_Why are you completely alone?_

_Even I have my kin to force me to survive, even when I don’t want to._

The boy blinked, releasing his grip on Neoã’s face and moving his hand to give a few past to the Copper-Wire Shifter. “Oh, uhm, I’m kinda mad at them right now. I left the house a few hours ago, and then saw you.. And boom; Here we are now,”

“Ah.” They swallowed, tone nearly inaudible.

“Yeah.” Killua rolled his eyes, then took a loud sip of his boba. He hummed, looking up at the darkening sky. The other person followed his gas em brows furrowing. _It’s been a whole other day? Another one?_

Before the taller one could voice so much as a muffled ‘Okay’, the human was speaking yet again with quick and bold confidence. “Well, that's not too important! What’s important is that you get back to your master, so you don’t like, _die,_ or something, so I have an offer!” 

They stared, before furrowing their brows further and further. 

“Come with me home for a bit; Just a _bit!_ ” Killua elaborated, waving his hand, still grasping his boba. He looked rather determined for this ‘plan’ to work, so the least Neoã could do was listen and try and decide on an answer that benefited him; Right?

“I’ll make sure you’re safe and stuff, and then you can help sneak me out of my family to go with you and find your comrade.” He said, quickly glancing back at the Copper-Wire to see their current expression. Upon seeing a neutral and contemplating look, he continued feverishly, “How’s that sound? Good deal? _I_ think it’s a good deal.”

“Mm..” _Am I even allowed to go with you? It’s treason, isn’t it?_ They swallowed, taking a sip of their tea again, before exhaling and taking in a well-needed breath. Then, they spoke softly, “Zo-.. Killua-San; Do you like your family?”

“Ah- Uhm, yes, I do; But they’re sometimes a tad too much-” Before the boy could further explain himself, the twelve year old was already speaking again. _This is a bad, bad, bad idea- What am I thinking? What am I thinking? What am I thinking?_

“Will they hate me?” They asked, hesitantly; Ignoring their thoughts.

“No!” Came the instant reply, making Neoã jolt. Killua shook his head rapidly, a new emotion on his face. It was either offense or surprise, but the gender-ambiguous person couldn’t bring themself to care. “No, they wouldn’t! They’d love you, probably because you are a valuable asset in the assassination business, but I promise to keep you out of their dirty paws! Just please come back with me, please?”

The Copper-Wire opened their mouth to dismiss the idea that they were worth anything more than a couple million, but couldn’t voice such a sentence. They couldn’t bring the self to disrupt what the kid was thinking, what the kid was desperately trying to convince them of.

Randomly, their leg kicked open air. It was annoying, but they quickly ignored it in favor of listening to the human besides them. They’d figure out what the hell was going on with their body later. 

“Please?” Killua asked, again. His tone turned solemn, almost miserable. “You’d be one of the first friends I’d ever make. Probably the only one at all if you don’t help me get away from my family-..”

Neoã felt a wave of sadness wash over them. So, without saying anything, against all of their instincts to run away and hide from a potential stake-out; They released their grip on the milk tea, a twinge of regret going through their system as the drink hit and splashed over the concrete, before they turned in their spot on the bench and reached over to grab ahold of the human and pull him close into a warm embrace.

They heard the sudden increase in the person’s heartbeat, the confusion That flashed through their aura, and then felt the small and steady increase of relief and embarrassment through the human’s mindset and body. 

“I’ll go with you. I’ll go for a bit, okay?” Neoã said, their mind screaming with betrayal. Their dead kin screeched and hissed, some in glee, others in hate and disapproval. But the host didn’t respond, talking quietly to the human they were hugging. “I’ll go with you for a while and help you leave so you can be happy like how kids are supposed to be.” 

They didn’t hear the response of the kid, and couldn’t bring themself to try and ask for him to repay his words. Instead, Neoã didn’t let go; Far too lost within their thoughts, trying to stifle the self-hate that bubbled up into their mouth from their throat and the bottomless pits in their three stomachs. 

_I’m gonna get killed aren’t I?_ Maybe, maybe not. They certainly didn’t know- Nor even _want_ to know.

They’d find out eventually; That’s all that could be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I actually got this draft written? It hasn’t even been a week and I somehow managed to get this shit finished before Saturday? Wow. That must be the power of playing “Akaku Akaku” (Praise Kurapika btw- 🛐🛐😃🤌) on repeat for 3+ hours while doing school work and fanfiction shit. _A small meme for you:_
> 
> Neoã being anxious 🤝 Neoã being far too obedient for their own good  
> ( 🤝 = Neoã getting easily peer-pressured by the voices in their head )
> 
> I’ll make a post with a bunch of “My Copper Is Your Gold” meme formats eventually; Then add the link here in one of the future chapters LOL-
> 
> Me: _Currently realizing that Neoã is based off of one of my friend’s who have ADHD_ “okay i can work with this”  
> Also Me: _Finding more similarities between my friend and oc as I write about them in the story_ “ah fuck”
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot. I look forward to seeing comments to be honest, they make my day. the next update will probably take longer if I don’t get to writing it by tomorrow’s math class. (Wish me luck on my unit-test, lol)


	7. If It’s Cold (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While walking uphill on a mountain that Neoã felt far too anxious on, Killua brings up a topic that makes the Copper-Wire want to throw herself off of a bridge and feel the crushing impact of all her bones splintering against the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neoã uses “She/Her” pronouns in this chapter.
> 
> Trigger Warning: _Mentions of Violence, Mentions of Death / Murder, Emotional Damage, Memtions of Self-Harm (Scars + Injuries), Mentions of Drowning / Suffocation(?), Blood, Profit Exploitation, Implications of Abuse (Killua’s Family).._ I believe that’s all; Read with caution.

Killua, surprisingly, wasn’t as social as he immediately came off as. Sure, he had reached out to her, asked if she could come back with him; Back to his home where his family was. 

Where he anticipated something. _Something_ bad. 

But, he also kept his emotions tucked away behind a mask of emotional downplay. Neoã recognized the expression and blank look within the icy hued eyes he had, and understood the hints of apprehension that were dashed and mixed throughout his gaze. 

He wasn’t antisocial, or rude, but he had some traits that made the Copper-Wire feel like she wasn’t worth the time nor his energy- And that she should’ve declined his offer of milk-tea in the alleyway, tried harder to get him to leave and let her eat the rest of the body in mindless misery and hunger. 

But now, she recognized the look of anxiousness that painted a blurry and smudged picture. It was worth and faint fear, barely noticeable if you didn’t have access to nen and seeing a being’s aura and mood; Something that the nen-user didn’t want to abuse.

Neoã wasn’t too sure as to why he was worrying over something, but when she had tried to ask, the human had merely grinned in a manner that displayed carelessness- A dismissive look in his blue eyes. 

The Copper-Wire hadn’t been too sure as to what or why he hadn’t told her, but she didn’t say anything about the tension in his shoulders as they walked. After about an hour, he seemed to look more and more downcast; To which she found it increasingly concerning. 

“Killua-San?” She asked, tone soft as they walked. They were on a pathway in a forest, the territory feeling vaguely familiar to the other forests and wetlands she’d crossed through, mostly out of piqued interest and impulsiveness. 

Or desperation to run from her own head.

The air felt thick, or perhaps it was thin and lacked the proper amount of oxygen most creatures needed to survive. Maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her again, the lack of rest and presence of her master finally getting to her and messing with her sanity.

“Hm?” The boy blinked from the right side, where he was walking with her. His eyes gazed into her’s, and she resisted the urge to reach over and tilt his head so she could see the corners of his eyes more closely. Human tears gathered there before they even started to form. 

She knew that from the Kurta’s.

“You’re.. Frowning?” Neoã stated, tone simplistic and yet still showing her concern. Her left arm twitched, hand clenching briefly before going back to normal. 

Her head felt as if she was being strangled in steam and fog, swirling and swirling until she could no longer breathe. It was painful, as she couldn’t seem to find the source of her discomfort. Her muscles kept spamming every few minutes, to which it had gained Killua’s attention.

“Yeah.” He said simply, but before she could pry further, he reached out and garaged her wrist, holding her arm towards him and staring at the pale yet coppery-shade of flesh that she possessed. The kid wasn’t one to stay focused on details for too long, but he seemed to do this often. 

Neoã swallowed down her concern, brows furrowing as the muscles in her hand caused her fingers to twitch and unwillingly clench, before returning back to their normal state just moments before. 

Killua let a brief scowl pass over his face, “Are you okay? Do your arms hurt?”

Her tail flicked in anticipation, not being shown to the naked eye. Even so, she was more focused on the heavy feeling that was attached to her skull. It was a sinking feeling, in a way.

The non-human being paused, thinking back to what it meant to truly be fine. Despite the hissing voices in her head, and the clear panic that was making its way through her spine and into her mind, she ignored it all. “I’m fine. I don’t know why they keep doing that, sorry. Are _you_ okay, though? You don’t look excited to head home.”

Killua didn’t respond right away, and when she was just about to open her mouth to ask another question, one that wasn’t as probing, he answered rather sourly. “I don’t wanna hear ‘em scold me.” 

He sounded downcast again. His hand was still on her wrist as they walked, holding her limb in front of him. Subconsciously, one finger traced over one of her veins, a pulse being detected inside of the vessel she was. A blade could be placed against her skin and she’d bleed golden hues of vitality, drench the grounds in silver and writhe in a coppery hue.

“Is there anything I could do to help?” She asked, tone weak as he slowly let go of her arm. She felt frail compared to the human, bony and too slim to be healthy. Were all kids intelligent like him, and had unnatural strength? 

The child paused, and then he shrugged nonchalantly. He didn’t seem too fixated on anything else, and it made Neoã feel light-headed. “You could give them a few vials of your blood. I think that would make them less mad at me.”

_My blood?_ Neoã’s head spin again, and her hand twitched as if to grab ahold of the child's in comfort or even the slightest bit of physical reassurance, but she stopped herself before the action could even take place. It wasn’t in her allocative position to try and uphold a good bond- As this was just a favor being granted. 

Instinctually, she shouldn’t be doing this.

But morally, against all odds telling her to turn around and wish the ten year old goodbye, she knew that as a Copper-Wire she had to follow through with a human’s wishes even if it got you killed. You were obliged to do so, and even if it made you unnerved at first, it’d be better at the end if they gave you the slightest bit of praise. 

It only ever got complicated if you had a master, or a person you had attached yourself to unofficially. Neoã had a master, and they weren’t dead in the long shot. Perhaps injured, but not deceased like her kin. 

If the Kurta she was loyal to had died, then she would have felt the detachment settle in her body, and she’d immediately be driven to latch onto a new human and feed off of their energy to power her own and follow their orders without hesitation. If a previous master was killed, you could only grieve for so long before having to force yourself to find another.

The only thing was that Neoã had a master, and she knew better than to switch loyalties due to their absence. It wasn’t up to her to choose her own freedoms, but at the same time, the boy she remembered obeying and living besides was kind hearted and had wanted the best for their people- For her kin, too.

She couldn’t say that they’d want her to do this, but she also knew that they’d understand _why_ she was following a ten year old about, and why she had latched onto him half-heartedly. 

She found his aura, without nen, comforting. 

Morow’s aura was vile in several ways, and twisted inside of her head. It made the voices mad, and made her feel like she was back in the cage on that ship. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, the expression on his face that made her think back to all the times she hadn’t been able to contemplate why and what he asked of her.

But nothing made sense, and she couldn’t have gotten her dead kin to shut up even if she wanted to. They didn’t listen to her, and always found some way to make her mind hazy with hunger and malnourishment.

“My blood..?” She finally said aloud, blinking at the ground again as they climbed through the paths. The area felt thicker than a few meters previously, tense with a force that reminded her of enhanced auras and twisted nen usage that would flood her body with the urge to run and hide.

_To run and hide._

To run away from desperation, and to hide from crude remarks and clear sociopathy. To try and find peace among warfare, and to try and exit a room once it filled up with hatred and tension so thick no amount of artillery would be able to cut it. 

To escape from everything that reached out to her and wrapped around her limbs; Pulling and pulling until her muscle ligaments snapped apart and she would cry from the pain and disruption inside of her body. Until she couldn't move anymore and the pain was too much for her to handle.

She hated the way her mind worked, the chimes of survival ringing in her eardrums every other moment of her life as if she’d end up dying if it wasn’t there to remind her of her purpose within society.

Her purpose though, couldn’t be determined by something like that, right?

Then again, no one was there to reassure her. She couldn’t rely on a boy to do that for her, and couldn’t expect peace of mind without scarifying her own will and ideologies to a being who wasn’t present besides her in the waking day. 

She saw him in her dreams, smiling alongside his clanmate as they walked through fields. He would turn around and smile at her, wave one hand and call out for her to follow and come along with them. And of course, per her master’s request and the other child’s glee, she’d go along with them obediently.

But such fantasies and melodious memories couldn’t stay true forever, as blood bathed her mind and forced her kin onto their knees, dying while fighting and snarling against other people, attacking intruders and giving up tranquility in favor of vengeance. 

“Killua-San,” For several moments, she debated as to how to agree. After a moment of more hesitance, she spoke easily. As if the concept of harming herself for someone’s cause was normal. “I can give you some.” 

_It is._

Killua stopped dead in his tracks, eyes flickering over to her in genuine surprise. His gaze was startled, as if he hadn’t expected such an answer. One that _wasn’t_ joking about it, for that matter. “Ah?”

“My blood,” She said, glancing back at him. Neoã furrowed her brows, pausing a few feet away from him, confused as to why he stopped walking up the path. It was weird, but she did understand that she would have done the same if the roles were reversed. “You said it could help get you out of trouble. I’ll give you some.”

Then again, she wouldn’t have asked for a human’s blood if she wanted it- She wouldn't have taken it by storm and killed the person to feed upon them. Or just raid their veins with nen to directly puppet them like a parasite to a host. 

They stared at one another for a few minutes again.

“Doesn't that _bother_ you?” He asked, several moments later.

_Did it?_ She wondered, trying to determine if it actually did play an effect on her already tattered mentality. Did it mean anything at all, or was it truly just another situation without an answer that could be given?

“No.” She repeated after a moment’s notice, implying her earlier tone. 

Sure, she didn’t like the idea of blood being spilled, but she had caused damage to her body merely because she could keep herself in check. She clawed the skin off of her arms and scratched at her thighs and neck to the point it bled a bright sheen of gold and silver metals.

The Copper-Wire didn’t _want_ to be violent by nature, even if the lack of her master caused her to lash out and be more feverish than normal, she still had no desire to be a weapon for mere bloodshed and death. 

That wasn’t something she wanted to do on her own accord.

The child swallowed thickly, as if he was shocked by her blatant disregard for her own life. Perhaps he was surprised by her tone, or the way she was being serious over it. Not anxious about it at all. “It’s your life.” 

_My life is what my purpose is._ Her mind decided, not missing a beat. After all, that statement was true. Her blood wasn’t her esse as a Copper-Wire, as it was just something that she produced in order to have a similar structure to a human.

Her life was what she could or couldn’t fight. 

If she can prove her value to her master before she dies of recollection, forced to become nothing more than a jewelry piece put on display in museums and random pawn shops that would not realize her embodiment the until she became parasitic and overtook a host to steal their sanity and energy. 

“I can’t die like people, Killua-San.” She said, almost pitifully. And yet, her lapis hued eyes did not betray her, as they held no pity or broken surveillance. She looked almost bored, explaining the values she had in her mind. “My blood is just there, I can produce it per my energy and status of health. It won’t kill me to give you a few vials.”

He paused, watching her. His shoulders tensed, and he frowned at her as if she had just forelayed the most uncomfortable information in the world to him. In return, the Copper-Wire frowned as well, not sensing his distress until a few moments later. 

Her brows furrowed, and she felt her body prickle with anxiety. Humans had strange moral compasses and odd ways of showing they were worried or scornful, or evenso much as angry. She didn’t know how to react to it all, really. “Is there something wrong? I don’t get it.”

Anger could be cold and icy, silent and cleanly controlled to the point when it attacked you and oppressed your entire being, it was so precise and accurate you couldn’t get any air to enter your lungs.

Anger could be hot and loud, boiling away at your resolve and forcing you to swallow down your counter-attacks in favor of defending yourself from the assault of harsh words and sharp pangs of agony that’d fuel your system.

“You can’t just go about giving your life away like that! To _strangers! _” He barked, although there was no bite in his voice. If anything, he sounded exasperated, almost pitying.__

__Again, the other life form found herself tugging on the hem of her shorts, trying to stomp down the fear that bubbled in her chest from not being able to follow and prove some mental worth to a boy she barely knew. “I’m not giving it to a _stranger,_ you’re.. A friend. You said I’d be your friend, and I am. I’ll always try and be a friend in that sense, Killua-San. I want to help, and you said my blood would do just that.”_ _

__She barely knew him, but she called him her friend per his request._ _

__How odd._ _

__“It was a trick-question, dimwit!” Killua retorted, stalking for ads and grabbing her hands, prying them away from the fabric she had been toying with. She didn’t make any move to stop him, only opening her mouth to let three words slip past her lips._ _

__“I didn’t know.”_ _

__“That was the point! But you can’t do stuff like that, even if your master said you could!” He scowled, reprimanding her while scuffling one foot. As if he knew the words he spouted better than any other, that it wasn’t her fault despite him making it seem like it was. “People are greedy and unkind, you gotta remember that!”_ _

__“I do,” Neoã replied, eyes flickering into sadness for a moment before returning to their normal blank and obedient shade of blue. Could eyes even have a color that radiated an emotion?_ _

__Or was that just a game of cards that Neoã never learned how to play?_ _

__She wasn’t aware of games and how to fix mental fatigue, or how to play against someone’s life without losing herself to her own greed and insanity- So it was only natural that she couldn’t tell the difference either._ _

__It was like nighttime; In a way._ _

__As soon as the darkness happened, it was gone as soon as it came. It’d feel like it had been hours of mindless cation wasting away under dull starlight, but that wasn't the strange part._ _

__During the night, she felt no pain. She wouldn’t ever feel claws tearing into her skin, causing her to bleed metal and drain her of her energy. Rather, she’d only feel the exasperation of loneliness consume her and whisk her away into a world of quiet and useless slumbers._ _

__When the trees lost their leaves, she found the ground covered in them, slowly decaying into mulch and forcing the ground to go barren without cover or any shade. Sometimes, against Neoã’s better judgment, she wished to be a pear-tree._ _

__It would be a calm but boring way to spend her days, constantly using small portions of energy to create more growing fruit, all while staying in the same place all day long. She’d imagine her mind would become non+existent, and that she’d share no boundaries to life or it’s limits.. Stuck in the endless cycle that all plants had._ _

__No breaks, no activities._ _

__Perhaps a few people would find where she had planted herself and take a few pears, grateful for the lucky find. But even with such an idea gnawing away at her, becoming a whole other species wasn’t something Copper-Wire Shifters could do. They didn’t uphold the proper heredity for such a thing, and wouldn’t be able to change forms to match something with a physique such as a fucking _tree.__ _

__Her next words were sorrowful, almost as if she felt guilty for not realizing the question’s origins sooner. Like she felt worthless without validation from another being that breathed. “I know it… I just wanted to be.. _Useful. _”___ _

____Being useful would be showing that she could obey and stay in place. Being useful meant she wouldn’t stare at the ground in fear, and she’d stand tall with her head raised and arms pinned to her sides in an appropriate fashion. She wasn’t a n animal of the outdoors-_ _ _ _

____She was an inside pet, one with a will to survive solely to serve another human who saw her as her own person. Except, without her master to tell her how to live, she became a creature that was always away from society. Neoã became an animal of the outdoors._ _ _ _

_____And guess what?_ Animals of the outdoors stayed outdoors, just as she chose to ignore civilization and just keep on scouting, plotting.. Living as she saw fit._ _ _ _

____The child stared at her again, and frowned lightly. He glanced back at her hands, and sighed. “Okay, that’s fine, I get it. But you can’t offer your blood to my family, they’d go ballistic.”_ _ _ _

____“They’d hate me?” She blinked, shocked._ _ _ _

____The air felt tighter in her chest, and she fought down the urge to curl up and cower, as if something was breathing down her neck waiting to decapitate her head and send it flying, with gold and copper colored liquid spraying everywhere and painting the world in metallic colors._ _ _ _

____Again, the child-assassin shook his head. “No, they’d want to make you bleed _dry._ ” _ _ _ _

____He stared at the veins on her wrists, eyes scanning over her shiny and yet scarred flesh, eying the small lines that were controlled and nicked- Stuck as scars on a fresh and brand-new canvas, never to be painted upon._ _ _ _

____“I can survive through it, though.” Neoã insisted, watching his hands hold her’s without so much as an ounce of strength._ _ _ _

____His touch was featherlight, but he held a harsh and clearly unsettled expression in the shadowed and darkened surface of his eyes. He looked back up to her, being shorter by several notches. “Wouldn’t it hurt? Your kind needs vitality and validation to stay alive.”_ _ _ _

____“I think..” She paused, actually taking a moment to come up with an answer for him. After a few minutes of mindless wondering, she pressed her thumbs down into the plans of his pale hands. “I think if they encouraged me and such, I’d be fine. That’s what I need in order to do things.. Gentle pushes and confirmation,”_ _ _ _

____“Oh.” He said, somewhat surprised. Apparently, he wasn’t aware of _that_ factor of Culnaxelists. Or maybe he was, and he just didn’t expect it to be that prominent in the way the species thrived._ _ _ _

____“Mhm.” Neoã agreed, and she turned towards the path, starting to guide him up with her again; Like he had been doing moments before he froze. They kept having weird interactions like that, she realized. Moments of confrontation that led to awkward or surprised dialect._ _ _ _

____“So you just need encouragement?” Killua checked, slowly letting go of her hands again. It felt weird to lose the shared warmth. “To do anything, you just need someone to tell ya’ that you’ve done well? That’s it?”_ _ _ _

____The feeling that filled her reminded her of winter. When it would snow lightly, and her breath would stand out along the cold air that pricked her skin and made her wish for hot steam to bellow past her face and keep her warm._ _ _ _

____It was a gentle cold, as if it was one of her sibling’s icy touches before they had passed away. Of course, the only reason she compared those two things was due to her own experiences with snow and the winter weather when she was a child. When you lost warmth, you’d feel lonely.._ _ _ _

____When she lost warmth, she felt as if she lost a part of herself._ _ _ _

____Upon his hands leaving her own, and as they continued to walk along the forest’s path again, she felt a familiar chill work it’s way up her spine. The coldness returned to her skin, and she felt the urge to reach out and tug him closer again._ _ _ _

____Maybe she was already too attached to the human._ _ _ _

____Swallowing down whatever desires that sprouted in her system and flickered through her gut, she nodded. “Copper-Wire Shifters need assessments and tasks that prove their worth. We thrive when given appreciation, even if it’s just a small nod of acknowledgment.”_ _ _ _

____When he blinked at her again, she mumbled a small apology and continued. “I.. I’m not sure as to how it works; I just know I perform better when a person is there to tell me I’ve done a good job. Some of my kin reacted differently.”_ _ _ _

____“Neoã, you’re really friendly for your kind.” Killua said after a moment of meeting her gaze, proceeding to elbow her lightly in the arm, in a roundabout way that radiated in friendship._ _ _ _

____Or perhaps she just saw it as that._ _ _ _

____“Oh, uhm, I try.” She said, stumbling over her words for a second. Her body spasmed, and she felt her teeth clack together. There was no reason for her to be so jumpy, or to pause and have an attack of wild nervous-system crashes. There wasn’t any answer behind it, so she just tried to ignore it._ _ _ _

____“But, in all seriousness.. Don't offer your blood to them, okay?” He said, starting up another subcategory of a conversation. She still didn’t understand why it’d be such a bad thing, but.. _I want to respect his wishes.__ _ _ _

____The ambiguous person glanced at him briefly, before forcing her gaze to go back to admiring the landscape that was slowly morphing into a more domesticated and trimmed place, the bushes growing more orderly and the trees seeming to look more.. Formal._ _ _ _

____“Ah.. Okay.” She agreed, although she still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact as to why he wouldn’t let her. She didn’t know if she could obey such a demand, especially if his family was mad at him._ _ _ _

____If they were mad, she’d do whatever she could to make them become less aggressive, let it be attacking them due to the desire to defend kinship and stay loyal to humans who she bonds with, or if it was_ _ _ _

____“Okay, good.” He repeated back, giving a small huff. Then, he seemed to think better of the agreement, and shot her another look. It settled against her skin, and made her want to turn away from him. “And I mean it. Don't do it, even when they’re mad, ‘kay? You do it once, they’ll think you'll do it again.”_ _ _ _

____Neoã hummed, but didn’t accept the terms that he gave her. The Copper-Wire didn’t even do so much as give him a nod of acknowledgement. Instead, against her better judgement, she reached over and gently patted his shoulder. She wasn’t sure if it brought her comfort, or was supposed to bring _him_ comfort._ _ _ _

____She knew that it should’ve been more specific, and uphold more value.. But she wasn’t one to break a promise-_ _ _ _

____So she wouldn’t make one she couldn’t keep._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I’m sorry for the rather late update, I don’t really know how to make the story keep going, so I’ve developed a small writer’s block for this story. 
> 
> But, thank you again for being patient! I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts, so please do share if you think I should add something in the next chapter. Ideas would be very much appreciated. 
> 
> Have a good one! ✨


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